All your parenting questions answered (badly)
The IBMP WTF Wednesday: Questioning life’s most pressing answers.
For a while, readers of I’ve Become My Parents submitted questions about parenting and the team of experts here at IBMP would answer one every Wednesday. That team, led by and entirely made up of me would apply my unique experience as someone who has actually been someone’s child to answer the reader’s question. This is where past questions and answers are left to die posted for the benefit of other readers who are exeriencing the same issues. It’s a public service.
This is where I’d probably put all my degrees, accomplishments and accolades, but I don’t need those to call myself an expert; I have a blog. It’s a good thing, too, since I don’t actually have any of those other things.
Oh, and I think my lawyer wanted me to tell you not to take any of this advice ever.
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On getting your kids to do stuff, stop doing stuff, do stuff quicker, quieter or more nicely
Four tricks to getting your kids to do it the first time you ask
How to stop your daughter from getting that piercing
Surviving a department store tantrum
An IBMP exclusive: getting your child to pick up their toys
When your son thinks anywhere close to the potty is good enough
How to potty train your child in time for Senior Prom
A no-fail way to cope when your child won’t shut up at the movies
What to do when your kids decide annoying you is more fun than playing with their toys
Kid eating too much or not enough? The simple solutions (sort of).
How to keep your child from interrupting you: 5 easy solutions
A parent’s guide to dealing with your child’s first boyfriend or girlfriend
How to travel with toddlers and have fewer people hate you
Learn to guilt trip your kids like the masters
On why things are the way they are and what you can do about it
Why your child looks at you like you’re an alien
Why your kids will French kiss the dog but not share a water bottle
It could be worse; your child could be listening to Barney
Reverse psychology and other ways of being a jerk without your kids knowing it
Why your son doesn’t care if he has clean clothes
Getting into the mind of the serial messy room offender
The “I’d Laugh at the Irony if it didn’t Piss Me Off So Much” Paradox
Why your child should be in diapers until middle school
Why dog ownership is good preparation for having children
The real reason you cannot help parroting your parents
We reveal why children like to embarrass their parents
It’s just not as cute when it’s someone else’s kid’s snot
On stuff you should probably know
How social media will save your relationship with your children
Should you let your child read your old diaries?
Six important considerations before deciding to have children
Five benefits to keeping your child on a leash
Stuffing your toybox with Happy Meal toys
Get the most out of embarrassing your children: plan ahead
Why give “The Talk” to your pubescent pre-teen when the Internet can do it for you?
Picking a name for your child’s private parts
Fun things to do with annoying kids
How to convince your kids that you’re the smartest person they’ll ever know
How to sneak junk food without getting caught by your child
Masturbation. There, I said it out loud.
Exhibitionist potty training: the pros and cons
Should I be psyched if my daughter recognized the opening chords of “Highway to Hell”?
On stuff your parents won’t tell you
How to tell your parents you’re going through puberty
Yes that’s right: your parents are lazy
We’ll love you unconditionally if you just give us these four things
How to scare your neighbors and slow puberty at the same time
The evolution of embarrassment: why parents embarrass their children
Five secrets to talking to your date’s parents
How to decide whether to tell your parents you’re going through puberty
Advice Variety Packs
How to tell your parents you would rather watch Glee than play Grand Theft Auto
Parenting advice: 18 things Google thinks I know
Is a messy room good for your immune system and 17 other really big questions.
Making the Internet a better place one bad answer at a time
Problems solved. You’re welcome!
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I've become my parents 
mymotherstable
November 4, 2011
You’re so clever. Thanks for sharing.
Kaukab’s daughter
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Thanks!
asoulwalker
November 5, 2011
These are hilarious!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks for reading! Glad you like it.
ThinLine
November 6, 2011
I love your Dr.-Spock-would-be-horrified take on parenting. Here’s my question: how do you handle it when your toddler decides to have a tantrum in the middle of a department store?
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Great question! Thanks, and keep your eye out for the answer.
lifeloveandbaby
November 29, 2011
I loved this so much I was inspired to dedicate a post to your cleverness. (Well, more like I borrowed your cleverness to boost my otherwise drab drivel masking itself as a blog). Hope you don’t mind the added traffic! You can check it out here: http://lifeloveandbaby.com/2011/11/29/why-hate-when-theres-xanax/
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
November 29, 2011
Hahaha! what a great post! Funny and bang-on. Thanks for the nod to IBMP 🙂
babybluerockingchair
December 1, 2011
so funny just what I needed after hours of trying to put baby to sleep… thanks!!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
December 2, 2011
Thanks for stopping by!
davidstrachan611
July 16, 2013
Everyone knows how to bring up children except the people who have them..,,