When good baths go bad

Welcome to this week’s instalment of WTF Wednesday, where answers are half-baked and fully microwavable.

Sometimes here at advice central we get questions that make us a bit uncomfortable.  I know they can be hard questions to ask, too. But this is the Internet. It’s a safe place—a place where nobody laughs at or judges others unless they totally deserve it, or if it’s funny, or if it generates more traffic, or if a person happens to enjoy laughing at others, or if it’s an opinionated prick with a blog, or if you’re famous and therefore fair game, or if you’re not famous but somebody thinks you’re worthy of skewering in public anyway, or if you asked for it by texting pictures of your private bits to women who you will ultimately piss off and who will have kept the texts in case you end up pissing them off someday, or if you choose to go to public places where people with camera phones might be, which is pretty much everywhere except maybe if there was a mall in the middle of an Amish community, but that probably wouldn’t happen because I think they make their own clothes.

Maybe that’s why this question was submitted with a request for anonymity.

The question came via email and I’m happy to respect the writer’s request to remain anonymous. Although, compared to some of the other questions that people have readily admitted to, I think this one’s pretty tame.  Mr./Mrs. Anonymous writes:

Dear IBMP,

If your toddler leaves a proverbial “chocolate bar” floating in the bath tub, do you take out the kid or the snickers bar first?

Well that all depends on how hungry you are. Oh, wait, by chocolate bar you mean…               Ew.

Actually, I guess it does still matter how hungry you are as you’re bound to lose your appetite while dealing with this one.

OK, so your kid left a floatie in the tub. It happens. Don’t worry; you’re not a bad parent. Unless you didn’t remember to get your child to use the toilet before climbing into the tub. You did remember, right? Well, lesson learned for next time, then.

Keep in mind, your child is a toddler; this is not the first time he’s been covered in poop. Remember the time he wanted to show you what a big boy he was and wiped all by himself without warning you first? Remember the exploding diapers? The time he made mud pies out of the “mud” the dog left on the grass for her? The time in the car? The other time in the car? The rest of the times in the car?

There is a very simple solution. You suggested that there are only two options: take the child out first or take the floatie out first. In fact, there is another, better option: pretend you didn’t see it, casually walk out of the bathroom, and remind your spouse that it’s their turn to wash little Billy’s hair.

Problem solved. You’re welcome!