Welcome to this week’s instalment of WTF Wednesday, where it’s Christmas all year round, but Santa’s on leave, so don’t get all excited.
This week’s question was asked in person with a request for anonymity. Personally, I think the bag over her head was a bit dramatic, but I don’t judge. Although it did kind of clash with the skirt. I might have chosen brown shoes with a paper bag as well but I’m no fashion maven.
Our advice-seeker asks:
Dear Barmy, (actually, it was more like, “Hey dude”)
Why does my pre-teen always look at me like I’m an alien?
I totally know what you mean. Ever since my last abduction, my son has been staring at me. Yesterday, I was pouring motor oil over my Cheerios and I swear he acted like I was a total nutcase.
This question would have been easier to answer if I had a bit more information. Most notably, for instance, I’d like to know if you are an alien. I ask this because it could explain some of your pre-teen’s behavior. Perhaps your antennae are showing or something.
I’m going to make the assumption that you are not an alien, because if you are, then that pretty much explains it and I have nothing to say. I get paid by the word, so that would suck.
Here’s the thing: you are not an alien but, to your child, you might as well be.
Let’s compare:
|
Aliens |
You |
| Aliens speak some weird alien gibberish | You say things like, “Billy, for crying out loud, turn down that Snoopy Dog hippity hop music before the neighbors have a conniption fit.” |
| Aliens eat weird alien food | You eat tofurky hot dogs |
| Aliens wear weird alien uniforms. | You wear mom jeans |
| Aliens have weird alien laws | You set a 10:00 curfew |
| Aliens know virtually nothing about our planet | You suggest your pre-teen son wear cute bunny ears for Halloween |
| Aliens have a bunch of eyes | You have eyes in the back of your head |
| Aliens appear at really inconvenient times and cause trouble | You volunteer to chaperone your son’s high school prom |
| Aliens are known for probing humans in rather uncomfortable places | You’d still be using the rectal thermometer if your son would let you
|
The lesson here is that if you stop acting like an alien, your child will stop looking at you like you’re an alien.
Problem solved! You’re welcome.
poundlandprincess
September 12, 2012
Well my Daughter (7) looks at me like Im alien too. The most annoying habit she has is telling me off using the exact words I have said to her, she wanted to turn tv over to some crap while I was researching on the net ( ie reading blogs) and when I sai dno she told me I cant read and watch tv at same time, couldnt really argue as I say that to her all the time. Smart kid eh?
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
September 13, 2012
Doen’t it just suck when they finally learn that trick? The “Yeah, but I’m a grown up,” excuse just gets them more angry.
beanovercomer
September 12, 2012
Funny stuff Barmy, funny stuff!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
September 13, 2012
🙂
optie
September 12, 2012
My son was convinced I had eyes in the back of my head when he was a pre-teen 🙂
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
September 13, 2012
Gotta love the teddy bear nanny cam! Almost as good as parent’s intuition.
Kara d.
September 12, 2012
I think this one works both ways, there are days I look at my kids and think “Wow, where did you come from” my answer is usually, from their father as my genetics are of course flawless haha.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
September 19, 2012
I hear you! Couldn’t be you, it just couldn’t. 😉
eatwilmington
September 12, 2012
They are the aliens. I speak truth – from around 12 until well into adulthood, they are indeed alien creatures. At times, when you look at them or they speak, you don’t even recognize them. They don’t resemble those cute little well-behaved offspring you used to have. They say it is you who is the alien, but don’t get sucked into the mind games. It is indeed them. Just now beginning to recognize my 27 year old a little bit:-)
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
September 13, 2012
Well that explains one heck of a lot! So, the good news is that I only need to wait 16 years before I see my son again. I wonder if grandma is willing to babysit until then…
eatwilmington
September 16, 2012
Likely not. She’s already been there and done that – emphasis on done;)