Why your child looks at you like you’re an alien

Welcome to this week’s instalment of WTF Wednesday, where it’s Christmas all year round, but Santa’s on leave, so don’t get all excited.

This week’s question was asked in person with a request for anonymity.  Personally, I think the bag over her head was a bit dramatic, but I don’t judge. Although it did kind of clash with the skirt. I might have chosen brown shoes with a paper bag as well but I’m no fashion maven.

Our advice-seeker asks:

Dear Barmy, (actually, it was more like, “Hey dude”)

Why does my pre-teen always look at me like I’m an alien?

I totally know what you mean. Ever since my last abduction, my son has been staring at me. Yesterday, I was pouring motor oil over my Cheerios and I swear he acted like I was a total nutcase.

This question would have been easier to answer if I had a bit more information. Most notably, for instance, I’d like to know if you are an alien. I ask this because it could explain some of your pre-teen’s behavior. Perhaps your antennae are showing or something.

I’m going to make the assumption that you are not an alien, because if you are, then that pretty much explains it and I have nothing to say.  I get paid by the word, so that would suck.

Here’s the thing: you are not an alien but, to your child, you might as well be.

Let’s compare:

Aliens	You
Aliens speak some weird alien gibberish	You say things like, “Billy, for crying out loud, turn down that Snoopy Dog hippity hop music before the neighbors have a conniption fit.”
Aliens eat weird alien food	You eat tofurky hot dogs
Aliens wear weird alien uniforms.	You wear mom jeans
Aliens have weird alien laws	You set a 10:00 curfew
Aliens know virtually nothing about our planet	You suggest your pre-teen son wear cute bunny ears for Halloween
Aliens have a bunch of eyes	You have eyes in the back of your head
Aliens appear at really inconvenient times and cause trouble	You volunteer to chaperone your son’s high school prom
Aliens are known for probing humans in rather uncomfortable places	You’d still be using the rectal thermometer if your son would let you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The lesson here is that if you stop acting like an alien, your child will stop looking at you like you’re an alien.

Problem solved! You’re welcome.