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Things my son needs to know before he grows up to be just like me.
Buck up and take it like a rabbit
There’s this term they taught us in psych 101. It’s called learned helplessness. Here’s how it works: if you stick a rabbit in a cage and electrify the floor, the little guy will freak out and jump, trying to avoid the pain. Do it again and he’ll freak out again. But if you do it […]
Posted in: Things you should know
If you want to get away with it, work on the delivery
August 20, 2011
“With stealth and precision the beast struck from behind – its razor-sharp fangs glowing in the October night. My homework didn’t stand a chance…” “I’d kill myself but I’m not allowed to use knives.” I’m sorry if I started to laugh when you said that, son; I tried really hard to keep a straight face. […]
Posted in: Things you should know
My son guest blogs: I’m gonna become my dad? That’s the worst thing ever!
August 14, 2011
If you’ve been hanging around this blog for a while you know that I’ve Become My Parents is really a big long note to my son. He’s still a bit too young to read some of it, but he knows what it’s about. I recently asked him what he thought about the idea of growing […]
Posted in: I've become my parents
The janitor’s not a werewolf, and other things you’ve got all wrong
August 5, 2011
Look, son, the world is a confusing place. It’s hard to navigate it with only 10 years of experience under your belt. You’ve got commercials telling you one thing, parents telling you something else, and that kid in class that thinks he has an answer for everything. Who are you supposed to believe? Me. You’re supposed to believe […]
Posted in: Things you should know
Guilt-tripping your way through parenting: learn from the masters
July 30, 2011
Son, you come from a long, proud line of guilt mongers. Us Jews have been purveyors of fine guilt for thousands of years. It’s one of our primary parenting techniques, and it’s a skill that certainly comes with your genes. This is basically how it works: rather than go through the trouble of teaching our […]
Posted in: Things you should know
Putting the “Why” in Whining
July 24, 2011
One of the things you’ll realize as you become more and more like your parents is that there are certain questions that we really don’t like. Most of the really big offenders seem to start with the word “Why.” At first it’s all real innocent: “Daddy, why do dogs not fly like birds?” Or, “Why […]
Posted in: Things you should know
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I've become my parents 
August 24, 2011
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