Browsing All posts tagged under »kids«

I like your to-do list better than mine

November 29, 2011


Son, I found a To-Do list that you wrote today. I had no idea you were so organized! Sixteen things on it—that’s a lot for one day. I can totally understand how you’ve got no time for homework. I hope you don’t mind but I’ve taken the liberty of creating my own list to go […]

Hey son, admit it: you like her

November 6, 2011


Hey son, feel that? Weird, huh? I know what you’re thinking: It can’t be what you think it might be. NOBODY likes girls. Well, teenagers do, but that’s just gross. And as I recall, you intend to skip that whole phase (we’ll discuss the practicality of that later). OK, so if it’s not about girls, […]

The alternate dimension my son calls reality

October 30, 2011


OK, son, let’s discuss reality.   Both of them: yours and mine. See, mine is the one in which money doesn’t miraculously appear just because we want to spend it. In my reality dogs don’t like when kids try to ride them across the living room; fish actually die if you choose not to feed them; […]

Bad news, son: I’m human

October 16, 2011


You came home Thursday with French homework. You were going to have a test on the numbers up to 21. You didn’t bring home any study materials. Why? Because you figured I could teach you the numbers. I can understand why you’d think that. I can fire off the French that I do know with […]

Lost in plain sight

October 3, 2011


You: Dad, where’s my Lego Creator set? Me: How should I know? Where’d you use it last? You: In my room. Me: Okay, did you look there? You: Um, no. Me: Well maybe you should. . . . Dad, it’s not there. Then look somewhere else. I’ve looked everywhere. I sort of doubt that, because included in the […]

Buck up and take it like a rabbit

August 24, 2011


There’s this term they taught us in psych 101. It’s called learned helplessness. Here’s how it works: if you stick a rabbit in a cage and electrify the floor, the little guy will freak out and jump, trying to avoid the pain. Do it again and he’ll freak out again. But if you do it […]