Browsing All posts tagged under »kids«

If you want to get away with it, work on the delivery

August 20, 2011


“With stealth and precision the beast struck from behind – its razor-sharp fangs glowing in the October night. My homework didn’t stand a chance…” “I’d kill myself but I’m not allowed to use knives.” I’m sorry if I started to laugh when you said that, son; I tried really hard to keep a straight face.  […]

My son guest blogs: I’m gonna become my dad? That’s the worst thing ever!

August 14, 2011


If you’ve been hanging around this blog for a while you know that I’ve Become My Parents is really a big long note to my son. He’s still a bit too young to read some of it, but he knows what it’s about. I recently asked him what he thought about the idea of growing […]

The janitor’s not a werewolf, and other things you’ve got all wrong

August 5, 2011


Look, son, the world is a confusing place. It’s hard to navigate it with only 10 years of experience under your belt. You’ve got commercials telling you one thing, parents telling you something else, and that kid in class that thinks he has an answer for everything. Who are you supposed to believe? Me. You’re supposed to believe […]

Putting the “Why” in Whining

July 24, 2011


One of the things you’ll realize as you become more and more like your parents is that there are certain questions that we really don’t like. Most of the really big offenders seem to start with the word “Why.” At first it’s all real innocent: “Daddy, why do dogs not fly like birds?” Or, “Why […]

Don’t bother; I’m just going to say no…again.

July 18, 2011


You ask and I say “No”. You ask again. I say “No” again. You say “Please.” I say “No.” You say, “Please, please, please puhleeeeese.” And I say  “No.” You give up. The next day, you’ll ask again. So I’m going to save you some trouble and lay it out for you as clearly as I can. […]

New image on one of my favorite older posts: No, really, kiss her

July 14, 2011


Just added a new image on one of my favorite older posts! Check out the cover of Make Out Weekly Magazine on the post: No, Really, kiss her.