Son, parents love to tell parents-to-be to get ready because everything changes when you have kids. Well, duh. Raise your hand if you thought you could bring a baby home from the hospital, set the quiet little bundle in the corner next to the keg and go help the band finish setting up.
I thought not.
Of course things change when you have a kid. But at some point, that kid will grow up and if you’re really lucky (and, increasingly, a statistical anomaly), that kid will move out and start a life of his own. These days, of course, he’ll probably be back within a week or two, but still, there’s that brief moment when parents get to be empty-nesters.
We won’t officially get to be empty-nesters for at least another 6 years, but this week, your mom and I are getting a little empty-nest preview; it’s day number 5 in your first week-long sleepaway camp. You’re only 12, so our daily routine is very different than it will be when you’re 18 and we finally kick you out and change the locks. But based on our experience so far, here are some of the ways your parents’ lives are different during your week away.
- It took me a day or so to begin to trust that I could slow down and the last cookie would still be there when I was ready for it. Before this week it had probably been about 8 years since I had time to actually taste my dessert.
- Speaking of food, with no one to set an example for, I haven’t had to pretend I actually like broccoli.
- Complete conversations. We’re having them. And they have a beginning, middle and end.
- I state the obvious far less frequently. Parenting a tween is like that described video on TV for blind people: it’s mostly just pointing out the obvious to people who for some reason can’t see it. “Cheeky, it’s been 10 minutes and your teeth still aren’t brushed,” “Cheeky, your laces are untied,” “Cheeky, I told you not to stick lima beans up your nose.”
- The Lego wounds on the bottom of my feet are finally starting to heal.
- I get to work on time. I suspect this needs no explanation.
Trust me, I could go on, and I’d be lying if I said all that stuff isn’t kind of nice. But having you gone—even for just 5 days so far—has also reminded me that none of that beats the joy you bring us every time you walk in the door. Maybe I’m not in such a hurry to be an empty-nester after all.
See you soon.
MJDeibert
July 15, 2013
I thought it was a great idea having my son when I was young so I’d still be young when he got old enough and moved out, but as he got into his teens and started going in his own direction, I decided I was still young enough for more kids.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 15, 2013
Well, I guess you could look at it another way: your son is now old enough to take care of your new kids…
allaboutmanners
July 15, 2013
Reblogged this on allaboutmanners.
Jonathan
July 15, 2013
Loved reading this. Haven’t been through this sort of thing yet as our son is 12 weeks rather than 12 years old, but guess this sort of thing is what’s ahead of us!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 15, 2013
Yes, you have a bit of time. (Congratulations on the new critter, BTW). Don’t worry, it’s way easier than everyone says. You change a few diapers and then they’re off to college.
sheenmeem
July 15, 2013
You are happy when your kids are away for a while (cause of the peace and tranquility) but at the same time you want them back for the Joy they bring in your Life.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 15, 2013
Doesn’t it just piss you off how our kids do that? Why can’t they just pick an effect to have on us and stick with it?
Parky Brawler
July 15, 2013
Funny post, I loved it.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 15, 2013
🙂
snoozing on the sofa
July 15, 2013
Good stuff. Gives me lots to look forward to.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 15, 2013
Start preparing now; you can never be too careful.
becomingcliche
July 15, 2013
Love the dinner table cartoon.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 15, 2013
Thanks. All that practice drawing naked people on public bathroom stalls finally paid off!
Fat Bottom Girl
July 15, 2013
I have a 12 year old, so I know exactly what you’re talking about! 🙂
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 15, 2013
Sorry.
Beau
July 15, 2013
I love this blog post. I can start to relate, even if my daughter isn’t quite there yet. My favorite is the complete conversations point.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 15, 2013
Oh, yeah, I miss those conversations. Of course, there was also an extended time when I would have paid to get my kid to shut up at the dinner table.
Christopher D Drew
July 15, 2013
Brilliant my kids are still quite young (4,2, and 4 mths) so we are a ways away from a house to our selves but still this was very funny.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 25, 2013
Well enjoy the time with them home because as nice as it is to have the house to yourself, you’ll still miss the hell out of ’em when they aren’t around!
dontrepeatthisinpreschool
July 17, 2013
Man, you had me all excited until you got sad at the end…was looking forward to some guilt-free happiness in a few years. Alas, there seems to be no such thing in parenthood, huh? It’s like a long-term learned helplessness experiment, their driving you nuts and then making you miss it when you do get a break.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 25, 2013
Exactly. Might as well just lie down, take your punishment and find a way to enjoy it.
Escaping Elegance
July 19, 2013
Our eldest is off at camp for a few days but the little brother is still at home. I’m finding that amazing enough – I too have gotten to work on time! Sadly, the Lego wounds are fresh…
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 25, 2013
The wounds will heal with time. Probably.
cleanuponaisle5
July 19, 2013
Reblogged this on cleanuponaisle5 and commented:
Don’t we all.
memyselfandkids.com
July 20, 2013
Sweet post. I think having both of my boys gone for a few days would lead me to a similar list and maybe a similar conclusion.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 25, 2013
Well let us know if and when you’ve found out!
memyselfandkids.com
July 25, 2013
Will do.
lovethebadguy
July 22, 2013
Naked… eating…
What has been seen cannot be unseen. o__O
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 25, 2013
Yeah, and it’s a total self portrait, too. Sorry.
marymtf
July 25, 2013
Barmy, (are you British or Australian? Sending your kids off to camp is as good as it gets. When they do leave home we fondly believe we’re getting our Saturday nights back. It’s not long before we’re hauled out of retirements and giving up our weekends. Enjoy camp. I love your cartoons.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 29, 2013
Thanks for that, marymtf! I’m actually American living in Canada. Nobody in either place seems to know what “barmy” means. 😉
birujentayu
July 26, 2013
I love the way you write for your blog. It is simple and interesting. Please share some tips with me. 🙂
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 29, 2013
Thanks. It’s hard to share general tips, but if you have a specific question, maybe I can answer it–keeping in mind that I’m no expert!
Nicole
July 31, 2013
This is hilarious! Sharing on the Great Moments in Parenting page, which is an open blog where moms and dads share the agony and ecstasy of life with kids. We’d be honored if you’d submit, and we’re happy to link back to your website. Here’s the link to submit: http://greatmomentsinparenting.com/log-in/. Thanks for considering it!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
August 2, 2013
Thanks Nicole! I’ll pop on over 🙂
Tim
March 21, 2014
Hope my parents are enjoying their off-time as much as you do 😉 Haven’t lived there for about 7 years and they haven’t seen my actual face in year since I’m living half a world away. So in a month I’ll be flying back home and since I gave up my lease and everything I own is in a garage somewhere I’ll be staying with mum and dad again for a while. Hope they’ll be as glad to have me back as you do when your son returns after just 5 days 😉
chiqutam
March 28, 2014
Oh Barmy, when have you not been an absolute pleasure to read??
Speaking of which…
Why have you stopped posing?? And what’s up with the whole “An Important Message from the makers of IMBP” update??????????
RSVP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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