OK, son, let’s discuss reality. Both of them: yours and mine.
See, mine is the one in which money doesn’t miraculously appear just because we want to spend it. In my reality dogs don’t like when kids try to ride them across the living room; fish actually die if you choose not to feed them; and in my reality your bedtime is not, nor has it ever been, midnight.
Your reality is, well, whatever you want it to be at the time.
Case in point:
Hey son, don’t hit the dog.
I didn’t.
Yes, you did. I just watched you do it.
That wasn’t a hit.
What do you mean it wasn’t a hit? What else would you call it?
It was a pat. I patted him.
That wasn’t a pat!
Yes it was.
No. No it wasn’t. A pat doesn’t hurt.
Yes it does. A pat is supposed to hurt.
Since when?
Since always.
Oh, really? Well, then what do you call a hit?
This is a hit.
Ouch! That’s not a hit. That’s a kick.
Nuh uh.
What are you talking about? You can’t just– You know what? I don’t care what you want to call it, just don’t do it!
But he likes it.
He doesn’t like it. He—Argh!
…………..
OK, I see what you did there. I just spent 20 minutes in a silly argument about the meaning of the word “hit” instead of punishing you for doing whatever it is you call what you did.
You, my son, are either brilliant or you’re living proof that alternate dimensions do indeed exist. I’m pretty sure it’s the latter, which should make string theorists pretty excited.
Don’t get me wrong, I like your reality; it’s way more interesting than mine. It’s just that mine seems to be the one everyone else is in.
I've become my parents 
Brenna
October 30, 2011
Your son isn’t alone there. Mine’s right there with him. I bet they have lots of company. A whole alternate reality made up only of young boys.
I've Become My Parents
October 30, 2011
Now that is not a rabbit hole I’d want to go down. Yikes.
Actually, now that I think of it, I used to know a guy in that fraternity…
lys810
November 4, 2011
I’m pretty sure that would be Neverland, and a gang commonly referred to as “The Lost Boys”
2nd star on the right, straight on till morning. 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
I always had a crush on Wendy. Maybe my son will take me there some day…
Lemon Colly
November 4, 2011
The simplicity of a child’s mind allows them to argue in ways we can’t even perceive. Ignorance is both bliss and power.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Quite true. I could never think up the great dialog he invents on the spot!
halfcup
November 7, 2011
Absolutely true. At times, what you don’t know won’t hurt you. Sometimes the more you know, the more painful reality’s bite becomes. (Learned this when I took Food Safety class, with all the knowledge about how microorganisms and all those fuzzy and wiggly bacteria cover the entire universe, I lost appetite for my favorite street foods. LOL)
Tara Fly
November 5, 2011
Not only young boys, but young girls reside there too! In fact, every child under the age of ….ummm, twelve?
My 9-year-old daughter and I have 20 minute arguments over whether she was “jumping” on the bed” or “standing” on the bed. Yeah… standing suspended in mid-air! Kids can really fly!
MommieDammit
November 6, 2011
12? My, my, my. That’s terribly generous of you, Tara! With two daughters and five grandchildren (revenge is SWEET! I LOVE MY GRAMPA JOB!!!!) I’d have to say the age of “reality bites” is somewhere closer to 30, or shortly after the little demons get big enough to spawn demons of their own. It wasn’t all the aging process that gave me a bald head and white whiskers, ya know!
MAK
November 5, 2011
@Brenna (&others). Oh! Yes. It was the same your mom used to say. Only difference: she didn’t get to blog
lovethebadguy
October 31, 2011
Don’t be alarmed, but your son might just be an evil genius…
I've Become My Parents
October 31, 2011
So, um, lovethebadguy, would you still love him if he used his genius for good instead of evil?
Ciara Ballintyne
October 31, 2011
Too funny. I might not be laughing as my daughter gets older…
I've Become My Parents
October 31, 2011
Well you might not, but there’s a fine line between tears of laughter and full-on crying.
Let us know how it turns out…bwahahaha!
BrainRants
October 31, 2011
At least he still speaks to you. I recommend “patting” him on his reset button.
I've Become My Parents
October 31, 2011
You know, that just might work!
Bekah
October 31, 2011
My daughter does this ALL the time.
If its something bad, she wasn’t doing it and never has done it. “Don’t stand in your seat.” “Mom, I wasn’t standing in my seat… I was doing this.” And then proceeds to show me again that she is indeed standing in her seat.
If its something good, then she was always just about to do it right before I asked her. “Go brush your teeth.” “Mom… I was just going to do that.” Every time.
I've Become My Parents
October 31, 2011
So where is this rule book that they all seem to be following? Or is there a magic wardrobe that leads to the alternate reality? Because clearly, your daughter and my son have both found it.
Paula
October 31, 2011
Wow. Hilarious! My kids does this all the time. Although, I must admit it’s quite funny to read but not as funny in motion… 😡
I've Become My Parents
October 31, 2011
Yup. Why don’t we get to have an alternate reality where our kids don’t pull this crap?
JSD
October 31, 2011
Been there, done that…so glad it’s over. But he actually turned out real good…just likes to debate everything…should be a lawyer.
I've Become My Parents
November 1, 2011
Yay, there’s hope!
Christina Majaski
October 31, 2011
Dogs also don’t like small adults riding them. They also don’t really appreciate cardigans and dog slippers. I’m just sharing that because there are adults in weird-worse-than-children realities also.
Not me. You know, other grown ups.
I've Become My Parents
November 1, 2011
Right. Other grown ups. Not you. Got it.
Alexis
November 1, 2011
My life is awash in conversations like this. Although my guys are younger so it’s more likely to be about who stole which lego hat from who. 20 minutes spend discussing who had the “best” fireman helmet in his hand first. I wonder if these conversations would be shorter if every time one occurred I simply threw the fireman helmet into an actual fire? Sure they would be talking about it in therapy for years, but in the short-run things would be pretty sweet, no?
I've Become My Parents
November 1, 2011
Definitely a good strategy. They’ll be in therapy for years anyway. Wait. No. That’s my kid.
Anyway, by the time they’re in therapy you won’t be footing the bill, so why not make it easy on yourself now, right?
lgalaviz
November 1, 2011
I know for a fact there is an alternate dimension, because that is where my son is leaving your jackets.
On another note: I wonder if your dog is wishing you had checked with him before getting another pet. Especially a tiny human. They are so high maintenance.
I've Become My Parents
November 3, 2011
Haha! I think you’re right. I suspect a bunch of my socks are there, too. Oh, and my wife’s anniversary card. Yeah, I’m sure that’s where it is. I DID get her one. Really, I did.
lgalaviz
November 1, 2011
HIS jackets. My son is leaving HIS jackets in the alternate dimension. But, maybe yours too. Have you been missing any? These things are so hard to prove.
lgalaviz
November 1, 2011
In fact, there seem to be some extra jackets here. I’ll send you one. Just in case.
I've Become My Parents
November 3, 2011
Send ’em on over!
Benjamin Buchholz
November 4, 2011
This could be a scene in my house, substituting two boys for d-o-g.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Ah yes, the doggie dimension…I know that one. Good luck with it!
The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife
November 4, 2011
This is a funny post, but I feel bad for the dog.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Don’t worry, I’ve got the dog’s back. It’s mine that I’m worried about! Thanks for commenting!
sugarapp
November 4, 2011
This reminded me the experiment in the TED talk
Joachim de Posada says, Don’t eat the marshmallow yet
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Haha! It really is true. I’m going to have my son watch that video…just maybe it’ll mean more if it’s not coming from me.
Thanks!
pilotodejuguete
November 4, 2011
You should really check out Louis CK, he does stand up and has two little girl and seems to constantly have this kind of arguments or worse. I think you can find “Hilarious” somewhere online.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Yes, I’ve seen some of his stuff. Thanks so much for stopping by!
kitkatlikereflexes
November 4, 2011
Very funny! 😀
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks. Glad you stopped by!
krismerino
November 4, 2011
I’m laughing so hard that I’m crying. I’m a mother of a 3 year old girl and this is exactly along the lines of many of our conversations. Fantastic!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Well, I’m in that weird “I’m glad you enjoyed it but sorry it resonated so well with you” state 🙂
Thanks for reading!
Elizabeth
November 4, 2011
I have 3 kids and our conversations go very much that same way! My son likes to badger me when he doesn’t get the answer he wants he tries again. When they say “try, try again” I don’t think they meant it that way… harass mom until she finally cracks and says yes.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Haha! Yeah, whose idea was that “try, try again” thing anyway? I say we change it to “try and if your dad says no, go ask your mom.” Actually, that doesn’t go over so well either. How about, “try then shut up unless you’re not talking to your parents, at which point don’t take no for an answer, unless you’re on a date, then definitely take no for an answer, unless you’re looking for a taxi to get home, then… eh, you get the point. Thanks for reading.
jumboxboy
November 4, 2011
I don’t have kids of my own, but I’ve seen parents endure this type of conversations in which the kid understand that was s/he has done is perfectly normal. They funny part is the facial expressions the parents make when the kids have “valid” answers. For example: “why did you do that to the dog?” and the kid answers “because he likes it!” as if the dog and the kid have established their conversation in which the dog said: “yes, of course, I like being ‘patted’ that way!”
Pretty good read. 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks jumpboxboy. Yes, my son is quite certain that he and the dog have come to some kind of mutual understanding. Of course, when he asks how I know the dog likes it, the truth is that his guess is as good as mine. I see law in his future.
Thanks for stopping by!
fireandair
November 4, 2011
“Yes it does. A pat is supposed to hurt.”
My most likely response: So does this hurt? *wham!*
This is why I have no kids. 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Hehe. Trust me, those of us with kids would be lying if we didn’t tell you we felt the same way. If you look closely at homes with kids, you’ll see sections of the wall that have recently been repainted. These are the places where parents punch holes in the wall in an effort to avoid punching their kids. Check it out next time you’re at a friend’s with kids.
Thanks for commenting 🙂
mazemangriot
November 4, 2011
Wow! You could have always showed him the difference!!!!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
You have no idea how tempting that is!
etomczyk
November 4, 2011
They all have the same handbook. It doesn’t matter the gender, the race, the nationality, or the religion: they come to Earth armed for bear! I had mine when I was way too old and I almost didn’t survive these exchanges. The handbook by the way is entitled: “Yo’ Momma Don’t Have to Know!” I wrote about it on my blog about a month ago. No one told me I’d be constantly outsmarted or out talked by people 2 1/2 feet tall. It drove me to an early menopause. Sigh! Congrats on being FP’D! Very funny!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks etomczyk! If I find the author of said handbook, I’ll definitely show them the difference between a pat and a hit 😉 I’ll pop over to check out your blog.
Thanks for commenting!
scribblechic
November 4, 2011
Thank you for a genuine chuckle over a shared, creative use of language by children. Frustration aside, there is something amusing and ingenious about their ability to manipulate us with words.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Amusing, ingenious and scary! These little creatures are amazingly logical. They don’t have the experience and knowledge, but they are totally logical with their use of what they do have. Wrong, but logical.
Thanks for coming by!
readitwrite
November 4, 2011
I work with kids all day long, and trust me teachers have the same arguments. If you let them, kids would debate forever.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Well, I’ve got huge respect for those that work with kids all day. It takes a special breed and massive amounts of patience. Thank God for you folks!
LiveDivinely
November 4, 2011
lolol. I don’t care what it’s called. Teach your child to never “pat” nor “hit” your dog, or any other animal for that matter; it’s animal cruelty.
This story was quite funny though, I’m normally hard to amuse. c:
I’m new here. You should read something I write, because I’m going to post a lot 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
I hear ya. He loves his dog more than anything and wants to take care of dogs for a living when he grows up. He’d never hurt the dog on purpose but sometimes gets caught up in the moment when they’re playing…
I’ll check out your stuff.
Thanks so much for coming by and commenting!
TechChucker
November 4, 2011
That was just great! I have an almost 3 year old… Now I know what I’m up against.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Hang on for the ride, sir. My site’s loaded with parenting advice if you need it. It pretty much all sucks, though, but if you do the opposite of whatever I’m talking about you should be in pretty good shape.
Good luck!
valentinedee
November 4, 2011
That’s hysterical. I don’t have kids, but I was a kid myself.. once. Loved this.
http://valentinedefrancis.blogspot.com
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
You know, I’ve met a lot of folks who were kids themselves. Must be some kind a trend or something.
Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for leaving a comment!
antarabesque
November 4, 2011
Oh, yeah, been there, done that, twice. Once with each son.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Well, you lived to talk about it. So there’s that! 🙂
kbluth
November 4, 2011
I feel your pain. However, might I expand on that by injecting the concept of when that alternate reality travels with your kids into their “adulthood” and doesn’t seem to meld with your own reality. That’s when the shit really hits the fan….20 minutes can turn into an hour and there is no discipline that can meted out on a 21 year old “man”. Yikes!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Yikes is right! My fingers are crossed…
Thanks for coming by!
mbaines
November 4, 2011
Stumbled across your blog; funny stuff! Keep it up. Looking forward to more posts
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks. Glad you found it. See you again soon I hope.
rastelly
November 4, 2011
I think your son may have a hand book
hidden somewhere. “lil’ johnny law’s illistrated
defence arguments for kids” This particular
arguement is based on the tactics of former
President Bill Clinton – who when accused of
doing something – merely changed the words
meaning – in short – “Father hitting involves
a fist, this was a hard slap – This can also be
compared to the classic rule of thumb, which
states that a man may beat his wife – granted
he uses a stick no wider then his tumb . . .
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Gotta love logic. Hmm, didn’t Mr. Clinton have a law degree or something? Logic truly is a dangerous thing when combined with limited or mis-information.
Thanks for swinging by!
rastelly
November 6, 2011
your welcome. 🙂
Aileen Torres
November 4, 2011
You’ve got a bright son; seems like he’d make a good lawyer someday 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
So how long do you think it’ll be before he’s able to support me with his law career? 🙂
thefoodandwinehedonist
November 4, 2011
I love my kids, but I treat them like terrorists. And you don’t negotiate with terrorists.
http://www.foodandwinehedonist.com
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
So does that include the whole blindfold and waterboarding thing? That’d be a bit over the top, but I’m all for not negotiating. 😉
Thanks for stopping by!
rommel
November 4, 2011
Word! That’s hilarious.
This post reminds me of that old freshly pressed entry where his kid is pursuing to be an ice cream man.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Haha! I think I missed that one. If you have a link, let me know. Thanks for coming by.
rommel
November 4, 2011
http://thecandyshoppe.wordpress.com/2010/08/09/when-i-grow-up-i-want-to-be-an-ice-cream-man/
Eklctc
November 4, 2011
🙂 … many people do live in your reality but not everyone. Some people do break away from the hive sometimes. So, pain is measured by perception. Sometimes, a pat hurts but a hit that resembles a kick normally does.:D
Thanks for the read.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Actually, I should probably admit, for the record, that I’ve been accused more than once of living in my own reality. Just had to come clean.
Thanks for commenting Eklctc
divinecrone
November 4, 2011
Oh my… I had to laugh. Be there, done that. I have now reached the point of no quarter asked or given, mostly because if you give my son an inch he tries for a lightyear.
Don’t forget that time-outs are good for adults, too — my son hates when I tell him I’m about to be put in a time-out to can calm down & regain perspective (timeouts are one minute for every year old in our family); of course, that could be because I tend to take my rare timeouts in a bubble bath with headphones 😉
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Now THAT’s my kind of timeout! And at a minute per year of age, I’ll be getting pretty pruney in the tub 😉
Day I Started Reading
November 4, 2011
I couldn’t help myself…this made me laugh
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
It’s OK, you can admit that here 😉
JCT
November 4, 2011
Damn children…
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Want one?
One Family Table
November 4, 2011
Hilarious. I hate the fact that there multiple dimensions of reality occurring at any given time in our household. But it sure makes for funny conversations in retrospect. I recently had a similar conversation with my son, except substituting dog with little sis. I’m sure in his alternate reality, his sis is but a little pesky dog anyways.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Ha! Yes, you’re probably right. My kid’s dog is his “brother” and you kid’s sis is his “dog”. 🙂
lostbutf0und
November 4, 2011
It’s the beginning of the end. Get used to it. I think that instead of what all people say about teens not being able to think properly due to hormones a load of feces. My kids who are now teens constantly pull me into these sort of mind exploding conversations.
My thoughts are with you! ^^
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Good to know I’m not alone. And I am soooo looking forward to the teen years.
Solidarity.
Lelle Fox
November 4, 2011
So funny. I wonder if this would work with my boss.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Ooo, it’s worth a try! Just do us all a favor and let us know how it turns out 😉
underwhelmer
November 4, 2011
Hmmm…. I would have been “patted” for hours for that. 😛
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Yes, I think many of us would have been. 😉
joaquinbarroso
November 4, 2011
Congratulations on getting Freshly Pressed… again!!!
I feel so jealous! Still, cool your blog is getting the recognition it deserves. Hey! I have no kids, and no intention whatsoever of having any, and I laugh a lot with your blog!!! That has to be something, right?
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks so much Joaquin. To quote one of my favorite blogs (http://joaquinbarroso.com/): ‘Sometimes this question also implies the explicit declaration of an external pseudopotential or Effective Core Potential (ECP).” Know what I mean? It may be a bit tough for you to fully understand, but it’s clearly about explicitly declaring one’s son’s pseudopotential in order to make him more effective at the core. Or something.
Anyway, I’m glad you’re reading and if I could understand even 5% of the words in your blog, I’d be a genius like I suspect you are and my son would have my genes and be all geniusy too. That’d be cool!
joaquinbarroso
November 7, 2011
Hehehe
I’m not a genius, just a skilled chemist but thanks for your kind words!
Your son will develop to his full potential (no pseudo there) with a witty and funny father. If I ever have kids I will defer to your blog for some guidance and will surely await eagerly for every WTF wednesday!
Cheers!
aviatrixkim
November 4, 2011
It depends on what your definition of “is” is.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Hmm, where have I heard that before? Haha! If my son were working for Clinton at that time, I’m quite sure he’d have advised him to say just that. 😉
Peas and Cougars
November 4, 2011
Ha! It would be nice to have the power to convince people that words actually mean something different than what they think.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Let me translate what you just said into its meaning in my reality: “Ha! I’d like to buy you free beer for the rest of your life. Would that be OK with you?”
And to that, I say, “Yes”. Thanks so much!
Whine and Cheese Life
November 4, 2011
Oh, boy. My boy hasn’t gotten to this point yet. He’s still at the pure defiance state. “STOP TELLING ME NO!” and “STOP MOVING ME!!” and…well, you get the idea. Three year olds are fun, and I see I have much more fun to look forward to!
Jenny
November 4, 2011
Great post *thumbs up*
That’s what mine does. It’s always “NO” or “I HATE YOU!”.
minlit
November 4, 2011
Tell me about it! My daughter is there (6) and she tells me alternate reality jokes. Cos she knows jokes are a formula (question + answer that is funny for some reason she doesn’t quite understand = laughter). Wanna hear some? OK. Mummy, why did the egg bite the other egg? Dunno, why? Cos it was a egg biter egg. Mummy, knock knock. Who’s there? Door. Door who? DOOR….banana. I could go on…..
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Hahahaha! I totally understand this (not the jokes, I don’t get them). She has no idea, I’m sure, that the reason you’re laughing has nothing to do with the punchline!
Thanks for that!
shil
November 4, 2011
Bloody brilliant.I was sold on the whole child-alternate universe thing. People become philosophers when they have kids. I am sure you would like to be in a lateral universe when these conversations occur 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Oh, yes indeed. My universe would include a lot of ice cream. Free ice cream. Pretty much that’s it. Is that weird? Seems like if I get to have my own universe I’d go for more, but I’m content with ice cream.
Thanks for coming by, shil!
Rayme Wells @ A Clean Surface
November 4, 2011
I have those conversations with one of my boys, too. I shared one of them in this post: http://acleansurface.com/2011/04/23/be-yourself-but-be-reasonable/
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Just read it. What an awesomely whacked conversation and a funny (yet quite reasonable) thesis.
Thanks for sharing it!
fmerza
November 4, 2011
This was such a cute post! Your son definitely knows how to worm himself out of a situation, creating his own reality to suit his needs. You can get into such a silly argument with kids and you won’t even know it, until it’s too late.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
It blows me away. I mean, I’m the grown-up in the conversation, right? Yeesh!
StrangeLittleGirl
November 4, 2011
LOL kids have such a unique perspective. What’s sad is that similar discussions go on in politics, torture? torture is not punishment LOL
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
You’re right. It seems that in politics, so much of it is about making bad information logical. We get trapped by this idea that if the logic is sound, the argument must be, when in fact, logic based on crappy information or bad personal opinion is just logical crap.
blackdogvoodoo
November 4, 2011
so, is he four?
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Ten.
panovision101
November 4, 2011
I have 3 boys, none of them in Alternate Realities….
None of them have ever tried to play mind games
Your kid sounds manipulative, I am sorry to say.
I love Alternate Realities, but there is Alternate Reality and there is delusion
wikipedia says alternate reality is :: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alternate_reality
Just wanted to give my point of view….
Sounds like your kid needs a pat
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Fair enough. He certainly tries to be manipulative. How far he gets with it is up to me, though. Always happy to hear others’ points of view. Just be prepared for mine, which in this case is that I’m concerned if your kids have never allowed their imaginations to intercept their realities. Learning to manipulate things, physical or otherwise, is in my opinion an important life skill. The question is whether they eventually learn how to do it appropriately. I’m quite confident mine will. I hope it’s not too late for yours.
panovision101
November 4, 2011
Mine are all artists and musicians, 2 rock musicians in bands at 13 and 15, the other a wicked artist. My wife and I are a DJ and live visual artist. They have the freedom to explore the world on their own, and have never played mind games. Their imaginations are off the charts, but firmly set in reality…. even though my wife and I perform as Alternate Reality
Richard Monroe
November 4, 2011
Your dog will get back at him in all the times your son steps in his poop. But you still lose in that scenario too as you have to clean it.
cheers
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
No kidding! And you’re right: either way I lose 😉
Jason Ramsey (@Jason__Ramsey)
November 4, 2011
Great post, and great blog. First time I’ve visited it.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
I’m glad you came by, Jason! Thanks. I follow your Twitter stream and enjoy it.
charlywalker
November 4, 2011
So….I’m guessing you were never a child? Plopped right outta the womb as a parent?
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Oh yeah. As you may have seen from my other posts, my son is in no way like I was as a kid. It’s tough being perfect when your kid is so…so, normal. 😉
charlywalker
November 5, 2011
Nuh-uh..
aefountain
November 4, 2011
I have so been there with 3 out of my 4 boys. The good news is that the 2 19 year-olds and the 22 year-old are pretty much past that stage. Occasionally, they may try to resort back, but if I am patient enough if they will realize how ridiculous they sound. So the good news is, there is hope. Thanks for sharing.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Yay for hope! I like hope. I’m glad to see you survived to tell about it.
Thanks for stopping by!
Z
November 4, 2011
That was either crazy stupid or crazy brilliant.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
The former, I’m afraid.
rose
November 4, 2011
I’ve raised both. It’s a boy thing.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Really? So it’s that damn Y chromosome again…that thing causes so many problems. I wonder if we could get that removed? I’ve got to check the warranty.
Well, on behalf of all Y chromosomers I apologize to all you parents, girlfriends and wives.
On the bright side, it’s one more thing I can blame on the chromosome 😉
Daddy Knows Less
November 4, 2011
This must be the same dimension in which my 4 year-old daughter takes the word of her little troublemaker friend over mine. I wonder what color the sky is in this place.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Hehe. It’s on page 15 of the Handbook: When faced with a choice between believing what a 4 year-old with a limited, yet troublesome, track record says versus a grown-up with experience and the wisdom that it provides, always go with the kid.
Then it goes on to talk about why the sky is green.
madamfickle
November 4, 2011
I really enjoyed this. Made me feel normal. I have 3 boys and I often find myself drawn into similar ridiculous debates. I look forward to reading more of your work.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks a bunch Ms. Fickle. I know my wife and I often start thinking these things are unique to us, then I write about it or read other blogs and realize that it’s all just part of the process.
Thanks for reading!
SacredSpiralPottery
November 4, 2011
HILARIOUS.
As a teacher of young children, I completely understand. ^_^
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
And as an observer of teachers of young children, I commend you for clearly having way more patience and wisdom than I’ll ever have!
fiftyblinddates
November 4, 2011
Sounds like my son…lol. Cute story 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks. Hey, does this count as the 51 date? Just askin’.
LisaaLinh
November 4, 2011
Hilarious story!
– Lisaa @BitchinRants.com
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks! I’ll have to go check out Bitchin Rants.
tvhappyplace9463
November 4, 2011
Fantastic post, I think your son is brilliant. He would make a great lawyer.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks. What about an Evil Genius? I think he could do that pretty well, too. 😉
Terrie van Baarsel
November 4, 2011
HaHa! From one who’s lived through it, just wait until your boy graduates to the teenager alternate universe. You don’t want to go there.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Yikes! I’m dreading that. I suspect that’s going to be characterized by frequent outbursts of “But Daaad, everyone’s doing it!”
Can’t wait.
Millionaire Missionary
November 4, 2011
My son does this all the time! I feel ya 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Sorry. Solidarity. Keep up the good fight. (I swear I wrote that before I noticed that you’re a missionary, but it works either way right?)
Millionaire Missionary
November 5, 2011
that’s funny!
oddlittlerants
November 4, 2011
So your son already has a head’s up on alternate reality, relativistic truth, and semantics. Kid logic amazes and astounds. (by the way, “kid logic” isn’t my term, but I borrowed it, as fitting as it is)
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
I had a word of the day 3 or 4 months ago that was Kid Logic. Don’t remember what it was in dictionary though.
I really do think that kids are extremely logical beings. They just don’t have the experience and knowledge that’s also required. So you get very logical, yet incorrect statements.
Thanks for stopping by!
website company delhi
November 4, 2011
very funny, your son is truly mischievous.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks. Yes he is, but I wouldn’t want him any other way!
patricemj
November 4, 2011
I’m all for crushing alternate realities with swiftness, compassion and most importantly grace. If you don’t crush them early, the consequences could be dire. Methods for deconstructing the unruly fantasies of the youngsters vary, it matters not which one you choose. Just pick one and stick to it. I’ve found the squinty eye, while understated, often does the trick. Think, Wild West. If you’ve never used the squinty eye, try it today. It seems to induce in children a sort of juvenile vertigo, as does the cocked head, or the gently bobbing parental noggin. Never underestimate the devastating power of primary caregiver confusion. Their entire alternate reality will come to a grinding halt once mom “isn’t tracking”. If you’re not great at looking confused or dismayed, you better learn quickly. Think, bumbling English person, maybe Wallace or Hugh Grant. It helps to keep a visual. I’ve found commuting to and from a taxing job a perfect time to hone this most useful skill. Lastly, if you want to make someone doubt themselves, you’ve got to button the lips. I know, I know. It’s hard. It makes no sense at all. And it’s fun to talk. But words are nearly useless when it comes to crushing alternate realities. Lastly, a note of caution for those type-A folks who really want to nail this assignment; if you raise your hand and curiously scratch your eyebrow while studying your shoes the young people often do implode.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
You, my friend, are a genius. I want to take your parenting class. Iv’e got a head start: I’m great at looking confused. 😉
Thanks!
sheilatalbitzer
November 4, 2011
The answer to final jeopardy today was “Satan”. When they showed the contestants answers on the screen Alastair said, “That is my name!”
I cut and paste that from my blog about my boys. It sounds like our sons might be cut from the same cloth.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Yup, I think so! Thanks for coming by 🙂
rcponders
November 4, 2011
OMG- the comments are as funny as the post!
I don’t have kids but I have a 54 yr old sister that is just like this; I think at that age it’s called psychopath.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Ha! I love it when we great such great comments. Way more fun than the stuff I write! You guys make it fun.
And yes, I’d say by that age, she’s probably not growing out of it…
Mama's Empty Nest
November 4, 2011
Funny! You have a really great sense of humor! Your post sounded way too familiar — in other words, been there, done that. I do think it’s a boy thing though. My two oldest were girls and they didn’t subscribe to the alternate dimension, but my son? Whew, boy! If you just persevere (ie try not to get a concussion from beating your head against the wall), the kid grows up. And surprisingly, the kid who drove you nuts becomes a responsible adult and you like him again! Then someday when that kid has kids of his own, you can laugh when he complains about that alternate dimension your grandchild lives in. I’m not completely sure of this as I don’t have any grand-kids yet, but that’s my theory and I’m sticking with it!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Haha! Yeah, I’ve been hearing others say it seems to be related to the Y chromosome. Do us all a favor and let us know how it goes when you do have grandpeople.
And thanks for the heads up on the whole concussion thing. Good solid advice!
mybakingempire
November 4, 2011
I have the same conversations with my cats except I don’t understand what they say when they meow back at me. Like trying to reason with a rock… that has fur.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
It’s probably good that you can’t understand them. I think if cats spoke their mind, they’d be Thanks for coming over!
Edward Hotspur
November 4, 2011
My son’s nickname is Lawyer. He frequently requires me to say things like “Okay, do not drive your truck on any surface, vertical or horizontal, or bring any portion of your truck or through inaction or gravity cause any portion of your truck, or any other object, into contact with anything it was not intended to come in contact with according to my definitions of ‘intended’ or ‘contact’…. and so on, just to get him to behave. Anymore, I just try to parent like I’m a cell phone, insurance or credit card company. I have arbitrary, confusing rules and can change my mind at any time!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
You have no idea how true that rings with me! Seriously, that sounds like a conversation at our house. Thanks for that!
Caveman
November 5, 2011
Absolutely. How else is your child going to adjust to the grown- up world?
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Hehehe.
Claire Fischer
November 4, 2011
hahahaha!!! and how old is your son??? he should be like a lawyer or something when he grows up!!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
He’s 10 and I don’t care what he does when he grows up as long as he sends me regular cheques. 😉
natasiarose
November 4, 2011
I still live in an alternate dimension. It helps me deal with being a customer support representative.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Oooh, I can see how that would be tremendously helpful. Thanks for coming by.
akosigabz
November 4, 2011
Already experienced it with my little brother. This post is outright brilliant.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks so much. Glad you popped over!
adventuresofthe3littlethings
November 4, 2011
You are training up an excellent lawyer. We have one of those as well. Semantics, stall tactics…
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
I’m sure mine will see yours in court some day!
Huffygirl
November 4, 2011
I’ve been trying so hard for over 30 years to NOT become my parents, and now you have a whole blog dedicated to the theme that I WILL become my parents. Argh! I’d like to think I’m a superior version of my parents. Well, at least it got you Freshly Pressed, which is great, and probably something your parents never did!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Yeah, sorry about that. But at least I’m trying to give my sone a fighting chance at not becoming me. Failing, I think, but trying nonetheless.
Pretty sure my folks have never been pressed, although I’ve never had my laundry pressed so they have that one on me.
atcshan
November 4, 2011
Sounds like my ex, not my kid 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Hehe. I can see why he’s your ex. Thanks for coming by.
eva626
November 4, 2011
LOL i want your kid!!!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Can’t have him. He’s mine. You’re welcome to borrow him from time to time, though. 😉
talkingoutloudinpublic
November 4, 2011
Great article and blog!
Even better comment atchshan!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks. I trust you’re not atchshan’s ex?
I love reading all the comments, they’re way better than my own stuff.
Brookie B.
November 4, 2011
Your conversation with your kid actually made me laugh out loud! I can definitely picture you guys having that argument; kids are truly amazing sometimes.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
They are indeed amazing. Thanks for commenting!
momentsofexhilaration
November 4, 2011
I love reading things like this so I know what I have to look forward to when my baby gets a little older… should be fun!
And congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks! It is fun. Tough, but fun 🙂
ghea
November 4, 2011
Blog walking please visit back to my blog http://blog.umy.ac.id/ghea
monietoreno
November 4, 2011
“Don’t get me wrong, I like your reality; it’s way more interesting than mine. It’s just that mine seems to be the one everyone else is in.” This is just fantastic.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks monietoreno. Glad you liked it.
Adam Green
November 4, 2011
Good Post !!!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Thanks, sir!
lorenakoran
November 4, 2011
That was a fun post to read! Thanks for sharing! And how true it was!
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Glad you came and commented. Thanks!
The Understander
November 4, 2011
Ha! Kids got a point, though, you’ve got to admit.
http://www.theunderstander.com
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
That’s the frustrating part of it: he’s totally logical.
tanyouyi
November 4, 2011
hahah.. amusing things that only kids could come up with.. I used to be like that though, trying to argue regardless whether the things I said actually made sense! The main objective was just to get my way around. hahah..
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
I think most of us would be kidding ourselves if we thought we were never like that.
Thanks!
Ibrahim Asghar
November 4, 2011
Great, another reason for me to prolong my marriage 😛
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Happy to be of help 🙂
Learn To Beatmatch
November 4, 2011
My son is 4 now, and already starting to see this “alternate reality” pattern.
But instead of an argument its a shower of “huh”, “what”, and cuteness like that
🙂
-Ron
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
Ah, wear you down with cuteness. Pure evil.
Thanks for coming by!
lifeloveandbaby
November 4, 2011
I think your son and my hubbie share the same reality. 😉
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Hehe. Well there is a rumour that it’s a Y chromosome thing. I’ll ask my son to say hi if he sees your husband 🙂
Mahak Khandelwal
November 4, 2011
We all have done the same when we were kids, and this one really reminds me off all the thing I did. I like your blog post.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks Mahak. Yes I think we did. That’s why our parents love hearing that our kids our doing it too!
jamiekuntz
November 4, 2011
The children I taught at summer camp seemed to live in a similar reality… only they would “pat” me, not a dog.
I've Become My Parents
November 4, 2011
I guess the only good thing about that for you is that you got to send them home at the end of the day! Hope the bruises healed 😉
Kai
November 5, 2011
I think our sons are related. Enjoyed the read.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks Kai.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 5, 2011
My son lived in that same alternate dimension. I can’t tell you how many times I heard “But I never knew THAT would happen, just by patting my sister’s arm! ” I would try to explain, that when you “pat” another person’s arm vigorously with a shoe, it’s not quite the same thing.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Yeah, I think the introduction of the shoe kind of reclassifies it as something other than a pat 😉
clamberingabout
November 5, 2011
For the record, my favorite exchange between my boyfriend and his four-year old is David (parent) saying, “If you fight me, I will win.” And William (toddler, most winsome, adorable child ever, incredibly loving, wonderful kid, just having a brat attack at the moment) huffing, sighing, and uncrossing his arms so Dad could buckle him into his seat. It was no big deal but definitely a lesson in subjective kid logic: when you “win”, they do too. When everyone “wins”, everyone wins.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Sure makes sense to me. Thanks for sharing that!
Parenting
November 5, 2011
Be patient..Your son need more attention
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks for the comment. 🙂
Caveman
November 5, 2011
My two cents worth:
1) Do not argue with a child. Pull rank. F’r crying out loud – who knows best? At this stage , anyway?
2) If you draw a line in the sand, honour it. Immediately. ‘If you [behavior A], then [consequence B]’. For your sake – in the long term it works like magic.
3) Always encourage anything a child does well/right/with good intentions.
4) Give the child choices, but make them your choices. ‘It’s cold outside – do you want your red jacket or green jumper?’ Stay with your choices – do not negotiate.
For the record: I have two boys, 10 and 8, and two girls, 6 and 4. I will take them anywhere, all at once, including a fine china shop. Mind you, it has been a lot work!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Sounds like good advice to me. Sometimes I think we just have to remember who’s the adult in the relationship. Thanks for the comment
Breakthenorms
November 5, 2011
ultimate post and comments. Love it
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks for that. Yes, I’m lovin’ the comments.
Kimberly Erica Go
November 5, 2011
As they say, we are in the age of post-modernism.
I just want to share:
I once saw a comics wherein there was 2 guys, 1 was lying on the ground and the other was standing with his left foot on the other man’s neck.
guy 1: “Don’t step on my neck!”
guy 2: “What if I say that you’re tripping my foot?”
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
It’s all in how you see it, isn’t it? Thanks for sharing that. It’s spot-on!
Ty
November 5, 2011
This would have made an awesome youtube video.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
The next big reality TV show: Life with my son!
salmanaslampr
November 5, 2011
I think that human do care about their egos no matter how old or young they are! I have the same problem too sometimes I argue aimlessly and sometimes I don’t. And sometimes I feel that I am the right person that always do right thing! on the other I think myself as a trouble maker! That feeling do up and low my ego strongly. The child tried to convince that what he had done was alright!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
I know what you mean. My son takes it very personally when he’s wrong about something or does something he shouldn’t. He’ll do almost anything to avoid appearing wrong about something.
Thanks for commenting!
janeykylescott
November 5, 2011
Me the Mother: You have a choice, Clean your room or No television.
Son: I dont like your choices, Im going outside to play.
www. janeykylescott.wordpress.com
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Yikes! I bet you didn’t let that one slide!
Thanks for that!
rootietoot
November 5, 2011
It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that situation. I have 4 boys. When the oldest was 7,he ate the Forbidden Black Frosting (for a cake) and with black teeth and lips, in front of the mirror, steadfastly maintained that he did NOT eat the black frosting, that his lips and teeth were not black, and I had eye problems. He’s 23 now, and just starting to recognize reality for what it is.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Ok, so I’ve got 13 years to go? AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
auls_
November 5, 2011
I’m only 15 right now and I do what your son did all the time 🙂 🙂 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Cool, an Insider! So what’s the secret? Is there like some kind of instructional video or website somewhere you guys all visit to learn this stuff? I promise not to tell anyone. Can’t really promise anything about the other readers, though.
metan
November 5, 2011
I wanted to click on the ‘like’ button for this post about 10 times. I have two intelligent and imaginative sons, and have contemplated going into a career in hostage negotiation once they are old enough to fend for themselves. A maniac with a gun is never going to be more difficult to talk down than a kid with an iron grip on a totally different reality! 😉
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Hahaha! Something tells me you’ve got all the experience necessary to nail the job!
Thanks for the comment!
Dad
November 5, 2011
I think it’s not funny. You are spoiling your son. You should teach him empathy. If you do not, he will grow up to be an ignorant without empathy and respect for humans.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
OK, well thanks for the comment!
joenb
November 5, 2011
Very funny and only proves they are all alike and here to replace us.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Yup. And replace us they will!
LaureeOhOhOh
November 5, 2011
Kids really do live in their own realities, sometimes I wish nothing more than to be able to step through that looking glass with them!! I’ve always thought that our children know all the answers to the problems of our world, but don’t know how to express it between the veil between our dimensions.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
I’m quite sure you’re right. I think they’re born brilliant but lacking knowledge. Then we fill them full of grown-up limitations and fears.
Joe Milli
November 5, 2011
I will ask my son to read this article, to see the reality..
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Be careful not to give him any ideas!
neelthemuse
November 5, 2011
Tell me about alternate dimensions…twins and their twin dimensions is something I’m experiencing right now….
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Whoa, that’s like some weird multi-dimentional craziness that I couldn’t begin to comprehend without more coffee. Good luck to you, my friend.
Joe The Great
November 5, 2011
It is a good reality that I can read this article. Thanks.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks.
Mendaxxx
November 5, 2011
Look at how many people like your son 😀
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Granted I’m biased, but he’s a pretty likeable kid in my book!
notacrazycatlady
November 5, 2011
I’m a teacher and deal with kid craziness all day long but this conversation terrifies me and makes me nervous to consider kids…Thanks! 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Hey, if you’ve got the patience to teach you’re miles ahead of the rest of us. I say go for it!
Jerri L Yager
November 5, 2011
Love it! And have so been there. Just wait until the middle school years. They look you straight in the face and lie.
“Why did you tear the bell off the cat toy?”
“I didn’t.”
“I just saw you.”
“No, it just fell off.”
“I saw you tear it off!”
“It was a stupid bell.”
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Yay, something to look forward to. Funny/frightening conversation.
Thanks for the comment!
Brittany Rose
November 5, 2011
Your son is a clever little guy! I guess most kids run through the phase, no? Hmm, definitely a phase I just want to skip over when I have kids…lol.
Good read!
Main Blog: http://hersoftlyspokenheart.wordpress.com
Poetry Blog: http://eastcoastinsomnia.wordpress.com
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Well, good luck skipping it over 😉
Thanks for coming by.
taureanw
November 5, 2011
This post brought a smile to my face, thanks!!!!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Glad it did!
Werewolf Blogger
November 5, 2011
hi i love your blog can anyone read my first ever blog thanks!! But i love this blog not just trying to promote myself! haha
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Thanks for commenting!
Laura4NYC
November 5, 2011
Awesome!!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks Laura!
asoulwalker
November 5, 2011
Nice. Very funny.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks 🙂
trime4sighs
November 5, 2011
I can relate though I don’t have children. It’s interesting children aren’t the only one’s with alternate dimensional logic. I guess if you’re kid using your own brand of logic you grow to be an adult using your own brand of logic. It must not be like sucking your thumb; something that with time and practice you don’t do anymore. Hopefully you don’t do anymore.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
I suspect you’re right. I think the key is to see these traits in our kids (if/when you have them) and help them find ways to turn the traits into things that can help them be successful. Thanks for commenting!
randomlyabstract
November 5, 2011
Oh my God! I LOVE this one!!! Super humorous! “See, mine is the one in which money doesn’t miraculously appear just because we want to spend it. In my reality dogs don’t like when kids try to ride them across the living room; fish actually die if you choose not to feed them; and in my reality your bedtime is not, nor has it ever been, midnight.
Your reality is, well, whatever you want it to be at the time.” Pretty Cool!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks. Glad you like it. That probably means you’ve been there and done that too, so I wish you the best of luck with it!
jignesh272
November 5, 2011
Nice post, it reminded me of when I was younger, I use to “LOVE PLAYING” with my dog.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Hehe. Poor puppy! Thanks for coming by!
The Alchemist
November 5, 2011
This is awesome. My son and husband absolutely would love the sense of humor 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
I’m glad you think so. I appreciate you coming by and commenting 🙂
Sal Esposito
November 5, 2011
LOL, 3 sons later I have mastered this conversation to the point where now that they are grown I employ the same tactics on them. What I say makes sense to me and I purposely make it confusing as my way of paying them back.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Hehehe, payback’s a bitch!
Anne Schilde
November 5, 2011
Great post! I don’t have kids, but I write them and it’s still important to understand the difference between these alternate universes. There are a really large number of adults I wouldn’t be too quick to admit I shared a reality with as well, and then when we get older, another kind of reality appears. But almost all of us had a different reality than our parents.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
I completely agree. At the end of the day, reality is just a function of our own perceptions. In that sense, there are as many reality as there are people. And certainly we all perceived the world differently from our parents.
Thanks for the comment!
Taylor Moseley
November 5, 2011
what’s funny i adults do this too.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Yes, I think I’ve worked with a few adults who do this… 😉
Taylor Moseley
November 5, 2011
What’s funny is adults do this too.
suffernchessclub
November 5, 2011
Well said. I went through those days a few years ago when my daughter was just a child.
Luckily they grow out of it … eventually.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Light at the end of the tunnel. Good news indeed!
midnitechef
November 5, 2011
Mine is 6 and thinks I’m blind. We often get in the same sort or argument over nothing. Today I made him a grilled cheese sandwich, he said “I don’t want grilled in my sandwich!” Argh, this used to be his favorite!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
I know that one for sure. “You know I can’t stand mac and cheese!” “Well, actually, you specifically asked for it yesterday and ate all of it.” “Yeah but I hated it.”
Yeesh!
Obi Wan Canubi
November 5, 2011
really at this point making a comment is irrelevant as so many people have commented it is a chore to read this far.
In any case, nice post!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks for making it this far Oi Wan!
bonebody
November 5, 2011
This doesn’t just pertain to kids though. I think a lot of us adults live in our own alternate realities. This was a great post though. I’m going to subscribe.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Yeah, maybe the kids are in the correct reality and we’re all whacked! Either way, living in an alternate reality certainly isn’t reserved for kids only!
Thanks for stopping by and subscribing!
blaggblog
November 5, 2011
I want to travel to his reality 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
There’s a guy down on the corner selling something that’s supposed to take you there. I don’t recommend it, though 😉
lynnemelcombe
November 5, 2011
As a person who has raised three children, who has worked with troubled children, and who is related to four other adults, including one of my adult children, who still work with troubled children, I offer this completely unsolicited and more than likely resented parenting advice: Stop talking to him! That’s the same as giving him permission to continue what he’s doing. Tell him to stop and then tell him if he argues with you or if he does it again, you’re going to give him a consequence. And then follow through, no matter how hard it is. Which does mean hitting or hurting in any way. It means take away something that’s meaningful to him and preferably in some way connected with his infraction, although the last part isn’t essential if it’s impossible to engineer. With hitting the dog, it would be hard to deprive him of something connected. But if he’s taking someone else’s lego, take his lego away from him for a couple of days.
BTW, this is a really good reason to give a kid an allowance. Many parents don’t believe in it, they just buy their kids everything. Give him an allowance and let him know what he’s supposed to buy with it. While he’s small, maybe it’s just candy on the weekend. Or maybe he saves it up to buy an occasional lego kit for himself. He learns the connection between giving up something he wants in the short term for something he wants in the long term. When he’s older, increase the allowance and make him responsible for buying some of his clothing and, eventually, all of his clothing. He learns about budgeting and enjoys the self-esteem of working and saving for something and then appreciating the value of it. It’s amazing how many fewer things get lost or broken when kids pay for things out of their own money and therefore understand this connection. Plus, if he hits the dog and argues with you about it (or later, if he takes the car and gets in a fender-bender) and you take away his income (in exchange for which he should be doing daily and weekly chores around the house), he learns a real adult world consequence in a very kid-engineered way — do something bad, lose something good.
Do all of this consistently for the next 10 to 20 years (depending on how old he is now) and he will grow up to be responsible and to understand that, in the real world, actions have consequences and you can’t always weasel out of them by arguing until you confound the person in charge — and kids do need to know that adults are in charge. (If they don’t feel an adult is in charge, they will act out more and more until an adult takes charge.) This is the way we raised our children and they are great adults who understand the connection between work and money, appreciate what they have in life, and treat others with respect. On the other hand, they have friends who grew up with parents who never gave them any real world consequences for anything and now wonder why they live at home, won’t move out, won’t pay rent, won’t do any work around the house, won’t stop driving too fast and getting in car wrecks … I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.
I’ve become my parents, I don’t know if this is you. Maybe you already do all these things and you’re just writing this column to make light of things. But even if it isn’t you, I’m guessing that it does describe at least some of the people who have contributed to the comments to this post. So to anyone whom this describes: after seeing the difference between the way my kids and some of their friends turned out, I no longer find these things amusing. I find them sad. So many really bright kids out there who had great futures ahead of them if only their parents would have figured these simple things out. No parent needs to hit their kids, but they do need to be in charge and the kids need to know it.
I apologize for sounding preachy. There was a time when I would have laughed at this. But really, to any parent who is only laughing at this and not doing anything about it, wake up. You’re not doing your child any favours. A parent’s job is to raise their children to be productive, contributing adults. It’s a really frickin’ hard job. But when kids grow up and thank you for every time you said “no, you can’t do that, but here’s your consequence if you don’t cut it out,” that’s when it all becomes worth while. You just have to delay your own gratification for a while … like a couple of decades.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Er, um, er…wow. Thanks for expressing your opinions with such passion. We like passion around here. And sorry that my brand of humor is, well, let’s just say not your favorite. I don’t mind anyone attacking me, but I prefer to give my readers far more credit than you seem to. Rather than holding people I don’t know in contempt based on an assumption that they don’t do parenting my way, I prefer to laugh right along with them about how tough parenting can be. From what I can tell, my readers are pretty damn smart people and excellent parents who like to make fun of themselves as much as I do. Talking about how I discipline my child or how others should would, quite frankly, not be terribly funny. There are thousands of advice sites. Mine’s just not one of them.
Thanks for reading…and writing…
exemployee
November 5, 2011
hmmm. wow is right. I prefer the “talk” to my child approach like you rather than the ignore approach. Lack of communication with your child leads to problems such as drug abuse, getting pregnant before they reach the age of 16, running away, etc…the list goes on. I would have thought anyone who works with “troubled” children would know that. But then, I’m just a blogger. 😉
I personally, want to be that parent that lets my child talk…we did that…and now 24 and 25 years later, they still want to talk to us…we just haven’t figured out how to get them to quit wanting to come on every vacation with us…or move out of our house…lol.
I love my children.
Greg Z.
November 6, 2011
re: the ‘parenting advice’ offered above , . . I believe she’s missed the point. This is a very humorous post that many can relate to.
You are well spoken (and kind) in your response.
My 8 yr old is a member of your son’s ‘justification’ club!!! Keep the posts coming!
lynnemelcombe
November 6, 2011
Well, I didn’t think I was attacking and I don’t hold anyone in contempt. I have no interest in telling people to parent *my way* I laugh at my own foibles as a parent, and have spent lots of time laughing with other parents. And I have really great relationships with my kids, relationships that have always included a lot of talking. But here’s the thing: there’s always time for talking about *why* there is a consequence for hitting the dog. But if it doesn’t start with a consequence for hitting the dog, what does he learn? That it’s okay to hit the dog as long as dad is flumoxed by his lawyerly debate skills?
People seem to think that only stupid people make really serious parenting mistakes, but they’re kidding themselves — a sad fact that often only becomes (painfully) apparent during the child’s adolescence. The parents I was referring to are intelligent, loving people who thought they were doing the best they could by always reasoning with their kids rather than drawing a line in the sand. Their kids have suffered in the long run.
And in terms of telling people to parent my way, it’s not my way. There’s tons of research showing that some ways of parenting are simply more effective than others, especially with kids who seem a little more challenging than others. Google “authoritative parenting.” Not authoritarian, b/c that doesn’t work — authoritative. It doesn’t make much of a humour column, but a growing body of parenting research shows that it works.
craftsinmedia
November 5, 2011
This conversation with your son explains a few of my involvements with men.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
You know, I’ve been hearing that sort of thing a lot today. As a guy, I’d take offence if it didn’t have some merit. Alas, I suspect it does 😉
Tangled Up In Blue
November 5, 2011
You should give yourself a pat on the back for having a really smart kid 😉 He’s got this awesome tire-your-enemy-out strategy going.
Your blog title made me laugh a lot too 🙂 Keep it up!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Aww, thanks!
sallyjeangenter
November 5, 2011
Wait till he grows up.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Hehe…you mean it gets worse?
elizabethweaver
November 5, 2011
Very funny! Thanks.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks Elizabeth!
lectorconstans
November 5, 2011
The first mistake was letting your son provide the definition. You have to do that. In an ideal world (i.e., before 1960 or so), you cold demonstrate on him: “This is a pat” [pat, pat]. This is a hit” [“Ouch!”].
Nowadays it’s more complicated, so you have to be more verbal.
In other areas: “This is a tidy room” (show him yours). “This is a messy room” (Show him his). “Messy rooms are not good. Make yours tidy, like ours.”
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Makes sense. Thanks for commenting!
bmacconnell1
November 5, 2011
The biggest mistake was letting him gain ground early on and embroil the discussion in semantics when really you should have just punished him. By arguing the definition of “hit” you’ve taught your son that he could get out of being punished for his actions by way of jive talk. In the real world, if he assaults someone he’ll be put in jail, regardless of what he thinks his definition of “assualt” is.
That’s the difference between your world and his. In his world, everything is relative and subject to immediate change depending on what’s most advantages at the time. In your world, there are rules and consequences for actions.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Totally agree. Thanks for commenting!
pjmgfashionn11
November 5, 2011
Good post, made me laugh! I could see this conversation happening to so many other people!
Congrats on being FP x
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks! glad you enjoyed it. Appreciate the comment!
frankie leone
November 5, 2011
i believe your son and i are on the same level. good luck.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks, I think I need it 😉
The Cubicle Chronicle
November 5, 2011
Hey.. you get caught bickering with small children too? I hate it when I catch myself actually debating with my children. I often lose, too.
exemployee
November 5, 2011
when my son did that growing up, i would just remind myself that he was going to be a wonderful lawyer one day….i was his practice field. 🙂
Amberr Meadows
November 5, 2011
If the kid starts talking about quantum theory, he might actually be onto something about the different dimensions. In some dimensions the pat might be a kick, and maybe money materializes. If there is such a dimension, I’d love to take a quantum leap and live there forever.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Well if you find it, Amberr, let us all know. I’m especially interested in the materializing money part!
Karen
November 5, 2011
The older they get, the more difficult it is to even converse with their reality so….spend the 20-minutes while you can!!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
I’m on it!
Thanks for commenting Karen. 🙂
osmiumantidote
November 5, 2011
My husband seems to spend quite a bit of time in this dimension, too! And, my daughter has left every lunchbox I have ever purchased for her there.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Haha! If you go looking for the lunchboxes and find any of my son’s sweatshirts, please let me know. Oh, and tell your husband “hi” for me. Haven’t seem him around the hubby reality lately. 😉
Little Explorer
November 5, 2011
ahah funny!
http://littleexplorer.wordpress.com/
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks for exploring IBMP!
Ivan
November 5, 2011
You need to drop the hammer. Hard. I get classrooms full of hellians spouting back this sort of absurdity. But by then it’s too late…
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
I would, but we just waxed the floor and hammers can really scratch a freshly waxed floor 😉
Thanks for your comment, Ivan!
mcbarlow5
November 5, 2011
I think your son and mine may have been separated at birth!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Maybe they’ll go into partnership on a law practice some day! Keep in touch.
Thanks for coming by 🙂
kill injustice
November 5, 2011
I can agree with these replies, but my daughter is very well communicated with and it started the moment she was born, because i could see intelligence in her eyes, and knew she knew she was vunerable (maybe just like any baby) and I knew I had to BUILD the relationship of trust, it was not until three months old she actually relaxed. but even then there are so many tears. tiredness, bumps, sickness like colds are just miserable. These baby humans hurt and feel and experience alot. And even growing up past three yrs, there are so many booboos and falling down , and bumping the head, etc, so many giggles too , i made it a point to tickle everynight, it seems to be a natural process, with a pretty consistant routine of just life, I did breastfeed and was alone in a seperate bedroom and part of the house, so nights came on gentley. to peeing and getting a glass of water and changing a dirper, with a little looking around or playing, cooing. we slept about ten hours a night plus she , took naps of course, as a baby they do that, but by age two or so, at least the only one hour a day nap i got for free was slowly fading, THEY grow, she is very aware, and consicexe. But alot of times at age 6 she’ll convert the truth to opposite or to something they know, like how many is 6 and 4, she’ll say 14 or 24, and this goes on, but in our interdependant , co dependant , independant relationship, this seems to be natureal, I’ve never come to the point of abuse, or totally losing my cool, its been a cool jounrey. Most of the time i feel sorry for her world, because there is such an extreme lack of respect, coutesy , and interest. She has no extended family, and no substitute ones, or no friends, and the reason for this after liveing in the same place for 14 years is beyond me. I’ve had some experience with other children by babysitting one family, and by enrolling her in homeschool classes, and gone to churches in the area, and i am very dissappointed in the effort people put into eachother. So , It seems to me, the lack of direct realitsitc, contact with society as a whole, having them see how we deal with others, gives them fear and some of this behaviour is the fear, shoing as anxiety. so. to me, and they are BORED out of their and my minds. and they really should not be. Idealy, a zip line and about 8 kids should be out front playing, or they should be out riding bikes, and if they cannot be out alone, then the damn parents should be out, i’m surrounded by kids, and we are out all the time, in a trailor subdivision in a country , suburban area, in magnolia texas and i don’t know its the vibes, from the tight nit whites and all the close mexicans but it makes life much harder. even though we have computers and with all the chores in life and t.v. to watch its just as well to read and write.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks for your thoughts. We’ll look into the zip line thing.
kanniduba
November 5, 2011
I HAVE ONE OF THOSE TOO!! We always say she’s going to be a lawyer. :). You need the book “1-2-3 Magic” by Dr. Thomas Phelan. It definitely helped us avoid many of these types of go-arounds.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Cool, I’ll go check it out. Thanks!
kill injustice
November 5, 2011
also that teacher that can’t stand smart alecks or whatever, its the joy of the trusting relationship of their families, it is not out of hate, children do’nt hate, this society makes them feel hated. to the teacher i’d say either you do not have children or never raised them, and i would say get a nother job or learn that it is play with you as an extension of their FAMILY and your reactions will shape how they feel. I know before i had grown up and had a child late in life, by accident, i used to hate children and i do see children acting really craxy, but with my UNDERSTANDING i squired reading books about how we learn and like emotional intelligence, i know but there is a book by palmer, about teaching, don’t be afraid to teach something. and remembering what it was like to be a kid./ we we’re intelligenct and treated not so much, but i guess if ya did enough to hear a coupld good words we just went on, but when there are not words and nothing to continue on for then we give up, not because we hate the world but have learned that the world hates us, and we learn to hate ourselves. So and the mean people that want to spank em and learn em, that s stupid you just teach tehm to not trust you. and you give them that cold chill around the heart tha t only a lover can give, cause they are in love, they come out of the womb carrying LOVE and JOY, PEACE. They are stonger than we, and you want to spank, that is like the people that think beating a dog, or a cow is going to really make a good dog, only a stupid fearful dog, we.ll. I do not like dogs, even though i don’t beat them or think about beating them, i just know they need more, more food and more back scratchin, but they also need a life and a purpose, i think if we we’re the garden of eden there would be enough left overs all across the whole land to feed the pack of dogs, and they would not be mean, all the animals would have plenty to eat and we could walk among them, and i realixe they are not wild , WE ARE
Elisheba
November 5, 2011
This sounds just like my son—unfortunately he’s 22.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Quick, get him into law school!
Thoughts Designer
November 5, 2011
You and your son are not the only ones in different “realities”. We all are. That’s the challenge of our lives. 🙂 It’s just that your son’s “reality” and yours are so different, that’s much easier to notice the difference.
How do we handle living on Earth with other human beings’ “realities”?
One way is to notice what triggers our reaction and what we can learn from it about ourselves. Maybe there’s something we can change in us to be a better person, and lead by example.
Another one is: instead of getting into verbal arguments, to be curious what triggered that behavior in the other, and try to understand the reason behind it. It might be a deeper “reality” going on, and we just saw the tip of the “iceberg”.
Gabriela
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Those are good points, Gabriela. In my son’s case, he will sometimes get excited and do something (like be rough with his dog) that he immediately regrets and is embarrassed about. It becomes about saving face having realized that he got carried away and messed up. Much of these kinds of conversations are more about that for him than anything else.
Thanks for the comments!
Ani Andromeda
November 5, 2011
Earth children are quite humorous.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Hey, didn’t I meet you during my abduction in 1997?
newsy1
November 5, 2011
You are lucky to be so patient. After raising three kids, I’m afraid I would have resorted to the old “because I said so method,” or I don’t care what you call it–stop.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
I’ve never understood how you people with 3 (or more) kids manage. Congratulations on surviving and thriving. Oh, and trust me, I’ve resorted to the latter quite often!
marriage registration
November 5, 2011
you can’t win an argument against kids. Its too difficult
Joseph Verdida
November 5, 2011
This reminds me of GnR’s Civil War intro (Strother Martin’s speech in Cool Hand Luke):
“What we’ve got here is… failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it… well, he gets it. I don’t like it any more than you men.”
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
I’m pretty sure that was written after observing my son for an hour or so.
Thanks for sharing that one. It’s a classic!
The Background Story
November 5, 2011
I find this funny. Kids! So adorably irritating!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
That’s a great way of putting it. Adorably irritating. Thanks!
Jan Simson
November 5, 2011
That’s brilliant! Funny post.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks Jan!
tiedejess
November 5, 2011
Love this. My husband says I “negotiate” too much which leads to these inane conversations, but they’re quite entertaining actually!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
It’s hard not to follow it just to see where his logic ends up taking him/her, isn’t it? Plus, if I stop it right away then I have nothing to blog about 😉
Mediamichele
November 5, 2011
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed. I had this exact same conversation with my son just two days ago. He has a Golden Retriever and is living with me, temporarily, He was correcting his dog and “patted” him on the behind. I said “Don’t hit the dog” He said “I didn’t” and we had this conversation nearly word for word. My son is 23…he is still in the alternate reality
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
OK, you’re not filling me with hope and optimism here. You are, however, giving me a good laugh, so thanks!
therealmattdaddy
November 5, 2011
Nice work! Good story, as always.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks a bunch. I’ve been enjoying your blog as well!
therealmattdaddy (@realmattdaddy)
November 5, 2011
Nice work! Good story, as always.
Editing Service
November 5, 2011
I don’t have kids, but if I ever do, I would expect this to be funny for a while, in a chuckling, “Wow, I wish I could be like that” kind of way – until I start slamming my head against the wall. Thanks for taking us back to our childhoods!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Yes, there is likely a serious epidemic of unreported concussions resulting from just these conversations. Happy to have been your time machine for the day!
Thanks for stopping by!
mamanne
November 5, 2011
Love love love this! Any parent will totally relate!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Well thanks so much. I’m glad it resonated with you!
hcmason
November 5, 2011
Just to let you know, although your parents may have told you this already, one day you will be able to sit back, listen to your son talk about the problems like this he is having with his own children. Wait for it……then you can laugh and believe that life has a way of coming back 🙂 Great story! My kids put me through similar events and now my daughter has a toddler and one on the way 😉 Life is good LOL.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
You bet they have, and they are anxiously awaiting the day they can rub it in like so much chili sauce on an open wound. I’m glad you’re enjoying it!
shaktighosal
November 5, 2011
Wow! Have really fallen in love with your style and philosophy.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Well, I’ve fallen in love with that comment. Thanks!
Rocket
November 5, 2011
Not a parent, but hope I’m able to see any of my future children’s moments with this kind of attitude/philosophy 🙂 Awesome post!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks. Writing about it helps quite a lot with maintaining a healthy attitude. It helps keep things in perspective. Thanks for reading!
wadingacross
November 5, 2011
Oh my, if this doesn’t bring back memories of my own childhood with my father… and now, on occasion, with my eldest son!
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Well hopefully you can laugh about those memories today. So you didn’t go into law by chance did you?
Thanks for commenting!
dan213
November 5, 2011
Great post
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Thanks!
disaanne
November 5, 2011
This isnt reserved for children..ive had the same conversations with my husband…who incidentally was living 2 realities at the same time…and not so long ago im sure i had a conversation like this with may shop assistants…
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
That’s certainly one thing that’s come clear through so many of these comments: kids don’t have a monopoly on multi-dimensional life. Funny, though, I haven’t heard any husbands say their wives live in alternate realities, just wives talking about their husband…coincidence?
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!
Joy Parker
November 6, 2011
I really enjoyed reading this. In a scary way it reminds me of the eighteen-year-old college freshmen that I teach at UC Irvine. They come up with the most amazing arguments for why they really took a quiz when the website said they didn’t even log on, or why they really did buy the online textbook where the homework was, and even did the assignment, but then their answers mysteriously disappeared. I think there must be an alternate universe for eighteen-year-olds too.
I think it’s so amazingly sweet that you commented on almost every post, even thought there are something like 256 of them. Please keep writing these blogs. I’m going to subscribe.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thanks a bunch, Joy. I do try and comment every one. If a person cares enough to write a comment, I want them to know I read it.
I know what yo mean about your students; half the recent graduates at my “real” job have the same attitude. Yikes!
mommygosleepynow
November 6, 2011
HHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHA!!!!!
Excellent blog!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thaaaaaaaaaaaanks!
abichica
November 6, 2011
looll!!! hilarious!!! hahahaha.. thanks for the fantastic post!! 😀
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for popping by!
Sang Freud
November 6, 2011
So great 🙂 Thank you for the laugh.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
You’re welcome! Thanks for reading 🙂
Alexandra
November 6, 2011
I don’t get it. I’m sorry.
There was a dog hit by the child who openly stated that it was a perfectly normal thing of him to do. Many people called it amusing.
I don’t get it.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
That’s OK. Thanks for reading and commenting anyway!
Dinoraptor101®
November 6, 2011
I copied this into my personality, you see the reason why people invent something new is because they don’t accept and settle with the present 🙂
“Stay foolish, stay hungry” – Steve Jobs.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Great SJ quote! Thanks.
mdprincing
November 6, 2011
wow, sounds a lot like the conversations that have been going on at our house for 11 years with my daughter
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Well based on some of the other comments, you’ve only got about another 10 or so years to go. Hang in there!
rmv
November 6, 2011
in certain ways, i’ve become my parents. in certain ways, i’ve become the opposite. in certain ways, i was the opposite for awhle until conditions caused me to become them.
dad loved red wine, which is why he’s still out dancing at 79. i never touched red wine until i was about 45 and realized i’m not out dancing at all. now i don’t put it down.
dad never hugged any of the kids. let’s call that one opposite.
dad never put the AC or heat on much. i was opposite, until i’ve seen utility bills skyrocket. now i either stay near the ceiling fan or put on a sweatshirt. was opposite, now became them.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
An interesting take on it. Thanks, rmv!
Irwan Juanda
November 6, 2011
Awwww, childern, sometimes they could be really ‘smart’ aren’t they? I want to know what’s your opinion when you heard this. I was a part time teacher, once, from the next room to my class, the other teacher and a student (8-9 years old according to his voice) had a quarrel.
Teacher: “Listen to me! Don’t play your games in the class.”
Kid: “Why?”
Teacher: “Because this is a class, a place to study and playing here is wrong.”
Kid: “Said who?”
Teacher: “Me, your teacher.”
KId: “Why should I obey you? You have no right to order me.”
Teacer: “I have the right, I can order you, i am your teacher, and you are the student.”
Kid: “No, you can’t. Only God can order me.”
Teacher: “Did God tell you to play your game here?”
Kid: “No, but he told me not to obey you.”
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
What a fascinating argument! To be honest, I let the conversation that I refer to in this post go on a bit because I really wanted to see where his logic was taking him, but I would generally kill it much sooner. Since you asked my opinion, I wouldn’t have let the conversation get past the first “Why?” As soon as the teachers said “because” he or she opened the door to further challenge. My approach is to generally kill it and, if it makes sense, I might revisit it later when we aren’t engaged in a battle of wits.
Thanks for your comment!
hadass420
November 6, 2011
Haha! Great post! How old is your son?
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thanks. He’s 10.
skaheru
November 6, 2011
LOLest! I KNOW this kind of exchange is the reason my dad visits so often. And I can’t wait till my little ones have grown and have kids of their own so they can go through what they put me through (like my dad probably swore to himself way back when!)
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
You can bet he did! It’s the circle of life, I suppose!
Ali
November 6, 2011
The world you BOTH live in would be better off if you’d stop treating your child as though he was an adult and set boundaries that protect other living creatures from his violence and help him to become a person others will want to interact with.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
I’ll just interject a simple reminder that this is a humor blog. I might, just might, on occasion err on the side of self-deprecation in my portrayal of events. 😉 Just sayin’
Anita Mac
November 6, 2011
Oh my – that is so funny! I have to share with my sister! She has 4 kids and I believe this line of rationalization is not new to her! Great post. Well done on being FP!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thanks so much Anita!
My Mommy Memoirs
November 6, 2011
I just found your blog and it made me laugh this morning. I love it and can’t wait to follow your family humor 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Awesome! Look forward to seeing you around then 🙂
Melissa Gastorf
November 6, 2011
I have that conversation all the time, though usually I substitute dog for your brother. (Though I have had it regarding the dog)
As for those of you who don’t understand the amusement- it is not funny that he hit the dog. I don’t think that he is saying that it is, only he is focusing on the alternative that the child sees. No one is saying it is funny that the child hit the dog- they have to be taught some time
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thanks, Melissa. I appreciate your comment.
Fr. John+
November 6, 2011
Now, if you could just apply this logic to Bill Clinton’s ‘What is, IS?’ even YOU could win a Nobel Prize…..
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Hahaha! Believe me, if anyone’s tried, it’s me. 🙂
Subhash
November 6, 2011
Haha I enjoyed your post thoroughly 😀
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thanks Subhash!
theyoungreviewer
November 6, 2011
enjoyed that lots… i think your son is like me… hard to understand!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Hehe. Clearly he gets that from me, so I really can’t complain. 😉
Angeline M
November 6, 2011
406 comments??? Serioiusly? I can tell there are a lot of parents on WordPress. Ok, so try the conversation with triplets……….and I live to tell the story.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Kind of wild, eh?
You survived triplets…someone give Angeline a medal! I swear, I’ll get all whiney about how tough parenting is and then someone like you comes along and, well, I just kind of feel lame 😉
Thanks for coming by!
Purpletin
November 6, 2011
hahahahahahahahahaha…I had a similar exchange of words with my mother regarding what a particular color is called. At the end of it she shrugged and walked away!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
That’s pretty much all we can do. 🙂
Marcie McGuire
November 6, 2011
So funny! It’s been awhile since my kids were trying to ride the dog around the living room, but your post brings it all right back. As my younger son would say, “Good times! Good times!”
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Good times indeed! It’s frustrating and tiring, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Thanks for commenting!
londonmiami
November 6, 2011
LMAO. Adorable and smart (and much like my younger brother, who is not 15, but still manages to drag us all into his alternate reality… so, no, it doesn’t get better as they grow up :P).
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Guess I’ll just have to get used to it then. Good thing I have several alternate realities of my own to escape to when required!
Thanks for coming by!
sarahnsh
November 6, 2011
Ha, this is so cute! I babysat for these three girls and they were all very close in age and I had many conversations like that. Now, I couldn’t quite discipline them, but they always seemed to have some kind of obvious reason for not sharing. It was always the 3 year old who could barely talk who broke up the fight.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Leave it to the 3 year old! Thanks for the comment.
bintesaeed
November 6, 2011
that so dam funny! kids, i love their part of the world.. so much funner than ours. great post *thumbz up*
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thanks for that. Kids really are funny and wonderful creatures!
Searching for the Light
November 6, 2011
With you on the alternate dimension, and the older they get the better they get at justifying their reality too. The dining room floor was apparently designed for hanging coats on, and the coat rack in the hall is there so the hall doesn’t look like an unloved and empty space! That is the reality for my 13 year old son!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Isn’t that great? He’s got the home’s best interest in mind 😉
shivani
November 6, 2011
Yes, can be very challenging to enter reality of others. Some I would not recommend, others are just ordinary and then there are some very rare beings that support something very precious… find them!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Good advice indeed!
Thanks, Shivani!
Ninja Kitties
November 6, 2011
Baha, I remember those days. Nice post!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thanks for that!
andreasgossner
November 6, 2011
Spot on, good read!!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Glad you came by. Thanks for reading!
artclubblog
November 6, 2011
Hilarious! You made me relive a few moments from the past. This week’s Globe and Mail addresses this kind of circular argument parents have with teens. The advice? Don’t do it! State your point and let them stew!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
I think that’s good advice. The circular argument makes for a funny read but doesn’t get us very far!
teamzuhl
November 6, 2011
So funny – and so accurate!!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thanks for that! Glad you stopped by 🙂
sittingpugs
November 6, 2011
How do you two handle differences of perception and semantics when one of you were to say, “Can you give me the blue bag?”
“What blue bag.”
“The one that’s on the couch.”
“That’s not a blue bag.”
“Oh-kay, what color would you call it?”
“Navy. And for the record, it’s not a bag. It’s a satchel.”
^_^
Your example of patting vs. hitting reminds me of what can happen when a group of people can watch the same movie but come away with completely different interpretations and understandings of what they just saw.
I love the “pasta pouting.” It should be expanded to include when anybody crumples to the floor like a wet noodle because s/he doesn’t want to do something.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Absolutely! It’s like trying to argue with someone with a different interpretation of religious texts.
Thanks for the comment!
Nikki Sarah
November 6, 2011
Haha, this is a hilarious post! The minds of children really have no boundaries. I love it.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Yup. Somehow we manage to build boundaries all around them, though.
Thanks!
paradiseseams
November 6, 2011
He abuses your dog?
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Nope. Not at all. Just got over-excited and made a mistake once. He is a kid after all.
Jezzmindah
November 6, 2011
You’re son is a diabolical genius.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Yes. Or, maybe just diabolical… 😉
The Alcoholic Brewmaster
November 6, 2011
Perfect post. You hit it on the head even with the conversation on hitting vs. a pat. My boys live in a world that was hard for me to grow out of even when my age indicated I should be out of the sandbox. I like their reality much more but I found it very self centered and ,finally, mercies anew each morning was kicked off the Throne and lovingly made to believe I was not the center of the universe. Keep up the great job writing!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Hey thanks for that! It’s tough when you learn the world doesn’t actually revolve around you, eh?
leoviator
November 6, 2011
I think he just played you…beware of the teenage years.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
I swear he’s not going to get away with that again! No, really, I won’t. I mean it. Really.
Anna
November 6, 2011
An awesome post! Really enjoyed reading it 😀 I also love the image! Thanks for sharing and the suchlike. A thoroughly deserved FP!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thanks so much, Anna! I’m really glad you enjoyed it. Hope to see you back here again. 🙂
solodialogue
November 6, 2011
I was actually gonna leave without commenting because – well – dude!!! You have 400 comments!! But you guilted me.
Congrats on your Freshly Pressed – that’s how I along with the millions of other fans found you. You are quite witty. When the physicists come knocking to ask to study your son’s alternate dimension, let them in. This parallel universe stuff is way fascinating. 😉
Great post and blog idea. Quite sure you will have the sitcom and movie deal, Mr. Anonymous…
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Hehe, It’s all about the guilt. 😉
Thanks very much for your awesome comments. Gotta get my book sold before I worry about the sitcom and movie!
think visual
November 6, 2011
another reason not to argue with kids. just rollerball over them for the sake of sanity, alternate or otherwise.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Roger that! Thanks for stopping by!
Paul Heck
November 6, 2011
As we grow up we lose this kind of experimentation in thinking around what others define as reality and while I don’t have a problem with the notion of directing a growing mind toward commonly held notions of good behaviours I am also conscious that we should also be encouraging those young minds to stay wide open and experimental in their approach to a whole range of other stuff. Innovation and problem solving have got us a long, long way, but also got us into a whole bunch of unpleasant and dire places too, e.g. war. poverty and climate change. This sort of ‘challenging the norms’ that kids do, re-defining the assumed and pushing the boundaries of conventional thinking, needs to be kept alive (check out Ken Robinsons views about this on YouTube), but it’s about the balance of that notion of innovative, free thinking and ‘acceptable’ (tolerable) behaviour that really pushed the boundaries for most adults/parents. That ‘line in the sand’ probably doesn’t come for most until they’ve had kids of their own, or been in a position that requires some form of ‘parenting’ to be given. We can only do the best we can at the time.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Great comment, Paul. That’s what I’m working on with my son: knowing how to use his independent thinking appropriately. I think all kids are born scientists and we manage to squash it out of them by the time they’re 13.
Thanks for commenting.
lifeofaphoenix
November 6, 2011
Watch out for when they get older. Im now married to a man who used to be that kid. When we first met, I had to practice having a discussion/disagreement so I was not outwhitted. Lol Your son should join debate club! Do what your good at, right?
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Yes, I think he’d do pretty well in the debate club!
Thanks for the comment!
Priyash Jain
November 6, 2011
Schools force us to get one dimension. Child loses his thinking, his approach which he is born with. If he draws a hut in his art class teacher forces him to draw a bunch of grapes kept on the table. He is disallowed to experiment with things and gradually he develops the habit of spoon feeding. he blindly starts trusting in everything his teacher tells him. But nobody tries to understand there is an unexplored fun in his experiments.
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
I agree. I think that somewhere there’s a balance between encouraging creativity, free thinking, imagination and experimentation, and learning how to function in society.
Thanks!
Priyash Jain
November 6, 2011
Schools force us to get one dimension. Child loses his thinking, his approach which he is born with. If he draws a hut in his art class teacher forces him to draw a bunch of grapes kept on the table. He is disallowed to experiment with things and gradually he develops the habit of spoon feeding. he blindly starts trusting in everything his teacher tells him. But nobody tries to understand there is an unexplored fun in his experiments. The post is simply great
Jacqueline
November 6, 2011
Very funny! Especially enjoyed the dialogue! My hat is definitely off to parents. I’m not quite sure what all I’ll do once I get there. Cool blog!
I've Become My Parents
November 6, 2011
Thanks Jacqueline. Nobody’s ever sure what they’ll do when they get there, but we figure it out. You may have noticed how many passionate perspectives people have about parenting. You’ll figure out what works for you. 🙂
drewpan
November 6, 2011
I don’t have kids, but I do wonder what goes on in my dog’s head all the time. I’m sure it’s something similar.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
My dog’s reality is probably the most accurate in the house. I’m quite certain he thinks I’m an idiot.
emilydnelson
November 6, 2011
Sounds just like the preschool kids I teach, yup. Doesn’t matter if you saw them doing XYZ or not, they will try like hell to convince you otherwise.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
I always wonder whether at some point or at some level they actually believe what they’re saying. For a kid, if they want to believe something, it’s as good as the truth in their mind.
Sridhar Surpanini
November 6, 2011
I also got a taste of my sons world when he gave me a nice whack and when i asked what was that… he says… I am patting you papa… 🙂 we also play a lot of papa dinosaur and baby dinosaur which is basically a game of free style wrestling 🙂 he just loves it… though his mama feels that it is making him too aggressive…
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
I guess it depends on the circumstances that he’s showing the aggression. Thanks for the comment, Papa Dinosaur!
hillbillyzen13
November 6, 2011
This made me laugh, and feel sorry for/a little envious of you, all at the same time. You’ve raised a very smart young man there, Mr. Anonymous. As for the long suffering pooch, if the “pats” become too painful, he’ll introduce the boy to *his* reality, where impudent little pups get snapped at and taught a lesson. Congratulations on being FP, and on being a great writer and even greater Dad.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Wow. Can I frame your comment and pull it out during those inevitable self-doubt moments all parents have?
He’s actually only rarely been roughhousing with the dog (both playing) and taken things too far. Generally, he’s outstanding with the pup.
Thanks so much for your comment.
danbrixey
November 6, 2011
Ahh I wish this was still my reality.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Good luck finding it again!
Thanks for coming by.
mycrazybeautifulife
November 6, 2011
This is hilarious, I wish I could live in your sons reality.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
You’re not the only one! Although his reality inevitably involves not getting what he wants. 😉
artsyphillyphotography
November 6, 2011
If you view it in terms of law, you’re one lawyer, and your son is the other lawyer… 🙂
artsyphillyphotography
November 6, 2011
You’re discussion with your son reminded me of two lawyers, you are one and he is the other one! Too funny when it occurs between parent and son! 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Yup. Although, technically I should be the Judge and he the lawyer!
penman
November 6, 2011
You know what? I used to do that when I was a kid and my mom often lose her mind and i got sent to the corner and got silent treatment for at least a day. I always say to myself that I won’t be like my mom when I grow up, but hey, I grew up to be just like her.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Hehehe, we all do…
Jules
November 6, 2011
My daughter had this way about her where she could draw you into the most ridiculous arguments … made me crazy. You need some kind of parental warning that kicks in when those conversations start.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Yeah, the problem is, I’d forget to replace the batteries…
Thanks for the comment Jules!
knudsens
November 6, 2011
Children’s reality is often more exciting than us adults. My son’s reality is definitely more exciting than mine.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
…and it doesn’t require medication to get there!
thethoughtduet
November 7, 2011
I don’t think it’s a matter of having a more or less exciting reality, I think it’s about whether or not you allow your reality to be exciting.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
It is what you make it!
thethoughtduet
November 7, 2011
Forgot to say, it was a very funny post!
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Well thank you very much!
halfcup
November 7, 2011
I think nobody can ever tell which is the “real” reality. We all have our own versions of reality. It’s all just a matter of perception — of how we look at this kaleidoscopic world. Nice blog, though :)) Am now excited with the way my daughter will reason out her actions when she gets bigger. hehe. 😀
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
That’s one thing that is clear to me: there is no one reality. Good thing, too, it garauntees I’ve got stuff to write about 😉
ellimacha
November 7, 2011
Children made me busy all day.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
You’re not alone there!
k321o
November 7, 2011
WOW. cool. our culture here in my country never lets children to talk back.. and these kinds of situations are.. rare. I love it how you share it with all of us xD
I’m still a teenager but I wonder if my children would act that way someday……..
sounds exciting, really!! LOL thanks for sharing!! 😀
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Cool, another insider! I love having teenagers comment on the blog! Glad you came by.
Bubu
November 7, 2011
your son’s really funny. it’s cool how children’s reasoning are awkwardly right yet wrong at the same time. i wonder how it feels like being a parent. hee
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
It is cool. It fascinates me how a child can be so logical yet so wrong.
Thanks for the comment.
Deva
November 7, 2011
I think this is their reality not ours and wonder what the next 10 years will bring. Children today are so very smart.. never mind the ADHD label… they’ve got it all over the older generation and the label is because its us who need to catch up with them.
Not wanting to ‘be like my parents’ I vowed to teach my 2 sons all that I would have wanted to know as a child! What that actually did was give them the tools to outsmart me (didn’t think of that at the time) and the day I realised that was when my youngest looked me in the eye and said ‘that’s emotional blackmail’….
😉
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Yikes! The student has beat the master, hehe. I should probably be more careful about what I write, eh?
And, yes, I think he’ll be running circles around me soon.
Thanks for commenting.
gaycarboys
November 7, 2011
It comes to us all in the end it seems. And we always think the next generation are too big for their boots and they always think we are trying to spoil their fun as if they invented it.
Marnelli
November 7, 2011
your son’s reality is awesome! Maybe if you’re lucky enough one of your arguments will open up a wormhole and you can step inside his reality too:) then maybe he really was patting the dog! 😛
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
That’d be cool! I’m beginning to think that the key to finding the theory of everything is contained in conversations with 10 year-olds… Hey, maybe I’ll get an honorary Ph.D. in theoretical physics for my work in quantum whatchamacallits! 😉
phoenix1331
November 7, 2011
Sorry, but I see this as so very scary. This is the level of thinking addicts become stuck in. Living with an addict I hear those exact same rationalizations without ability to reason. As long as they can derail you from the consequences of their actions, from enforcing your boundaries, from being able to call them on their distortion of truth, they ‘win’. They can continue acting and thinking and indulging themselves to distraction. That your son is in this stage is a normal development. That addicts never move beyond this stage and only learn how to manipulate to maintain this twisted, self serving reality is painful to live within.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
I’ve seen a bit of that myself and do know what you mean. I agree that it’s normal at this stage in his life but indeed would be concerned if we did not manage to quash it early on.
Thanks so much for commenting!
Janie Jones
November 7, 2011
Found your blog on Freshly Pressed. What a relief to know that special unreality of my spud’s creation isn’t so special.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Yup, it seems to be a pretty common unreality, indeed.
Thanks for coming by!
Gabrielle
November 7, 2011
aaagh, the joys of parenthood! I think my son is just following the steps of yours….But he is only 3 and is still saying ‘Good boy, mama’ 🙂 Best from Gabrielle
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Well, Gabrielle, maybe yours will chart his own path…maybe?
Thanks for commenting!
jack15324
November 7, 2011
With 5 kids and 11 grand kids can appreicate what you’re going through.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Whew, that’s a lot of little people realities!
Thanks, Jack, for stopping by.
ollyonso
November 7, 2011
Keep the faith man, Kids are crazy but hey he’s yours 🙂
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
…and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. 🙂
unapprovedparent
November 7, 2011
My son seems to do this with our one year old. Claims our one year old did it first and they are just playing. Not sure if he notices our one year is crying!
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Oh, right, blame it on the one year old! Haha!
leadinglight
November 7, 2011
Freshly Pressed again? WordPress loves you! Congrats!
I’ve done my share of teaching – teens also have their own dimension.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Don’t know what I did to deserve it, but I’m pleased nonetheless!
I don’t even want to begin to think about what kind of alternate reality we’ll be dealing with when he’s a teen. Yikes!
Victor Mansion
November 7, 2011
My son is 15 months old. I’m both dreading and looking forward to stuff like this. Excellent post to start the day.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
You’ve still got some time, but it’s at least as great as it is frustrating and difficult. And for me, it’s fascinating too.
Thanks for the comment Victor!
wisdomland7
November 7, 2011
Fujny really, but true arguments with kids are useless.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Absolutely useless. Unless, of course, you get a blog post out of it 😉
JenaiHamilton
November 7, 2011
I have a 9 month old son. I’m already gearing up for future conversations like this. However, if he takes after his dad, we’re money. If he takes after me, God help us.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
You’ve got a 50/50 chance. You feeling lucky?
puritanrising
November 7, 2011
Very funny! I have 9 kids and though each is different this rings serious bells with me!
Links removed.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Wow, I have a hard time with one! You are my hero!
Today's Dad
November 7, 2011
Great Post! I’d love to live in my kids’ reality any day!
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
You know, there’s free candy in that reality. Very little beer though. Just an FYI.
Thanks for popping in!
the Young Professional
November 7, 2011
Nice post. Have you given any thought to when we leave that alternate reality of childhood and enter into the one “everyone else is in”? I think it might last longer than being terribly young, which is in part why I spend so much time helping college graduates or about to be college graduates.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Trust me, I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate this grown-up reality. Keep up the good work–there’s plenty more to do!
gilsongardensinc
November 7, 2011
Wow! So many comments! Great blog! Keep the humor, it keeps you from going crazy! My son is almost 18 and still living there in that dimension! It only gets more challenging (and rewarding!) the older they get! Same concept though, just different topics!)
The one thing I can say if I had it do over….is NO…..just say it more often….I think that would help with the “grown-up” version of the “angel” we give birth to! Thanks again for the blog and good luck!
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Thanks. More challenging…hmmm. I was kind of hoping it’d go the other way.
We’ve been getting much more comfortable with that magic 2-letter word lately. Always interesting to hear what people would change if they did things over.
Thanks for the comment!
Slice of Mid-Life
November 7, 2011
I like the title of this blog and its sentiments, which are funny and spot-on. Here’s a silver lining about becoming our parents: when they are gone (which, sadly, can happen when your kids are still young) and you find yourself saying things that sound just like them, it’s a nice chance for everyone to hang on to their memories and appreciate their role in shaping you and how it morphs into your role in shaping your spawn.
By the way, I’m curious, how old is your son? I’m guessing he’s not yet a teen or even tween. When he is, you will have ample fodder for another (or several) posts about his alternate reality. And then you’ll really sound like your parents!
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Haha! There’s a fair bit of truth to what you’re saying. As much as we cringe when we hear their voice coming out of our mouths or see their mannerisms in the mirror, there’s something comforting about knowing they’re part of us.
My son’s 10 so, yes, I’ve got a lot of blog fodder still to come!
Thanks for the comment!
omgitsjustderp
November 7, 2011
Lool I remember feeling the same way as a kid. Once I was aware that statements could be argued against I negated any statement or request that wasn’t what I wanted. Sort of a “through the looking glass” or beyond the agreed reality scenario. You should take pictures and add them to this book: http://amzn.to/trNTsX
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
I’m pretty sure Alice was on acid when she was going through the looking glass. I, on the other hand, don’t have such an excuse!
chrisvoges
November 7, 2011
You are being too easy on him….my parents would beat me up with a stick if I talk silly like that ….maybe it was back in the old days…but still… It’d drive me crazy talking to my son like that …?
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
He generally gets shut right down when he tries to go where he went with this conversation. Sometimes, though, it’s just too interesting to see where he’s going to take his twisted logic. Well, that and it makes for good blogging material!
Sarah
November 7, 2011
Hilarious 🙂
http://www.fitchandcompany.wordpress.com
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Thanks for reading!
moleboi
November 7, 2011
Has your son ever considered a career in philosophy? He’d done brilliantly in either metaphysics or metalinguistics.
Although I feel I must agree with the view that due to our own unique perceptions of the world we adopt different names for things so what you termed a ‘hit’ in the given scenario your son was perfectly correct to call it a ‘pat’ from his perspective of the world. It’s a matter of realtive nominalism.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
True, from that perspective, he’s correct calling it a “pat”. But I get to tell him that, regardless of what we call it or how he perceives it relative to my own perception, he doesn’t get to do it.
He could consider a career in metalinguistics but then I’d have to lift the family ban on careers with names over 4 syllables long. Of course, he could just rename it to match his own reality 😉
moleboi
November 8, 2011
He could always rename it to be semantics to get around the family ban…or better still adopt Cratylus’ method of communication as he after realising that all things are relative knowledge and language were pointless so he started communciating by wraggling his little finger.
Aerykah
November 7, 2011
Having 7 brothers, I have heard and been involved in more of those kind of “conversations” than I care to remember. Though I’ve heard girls do it too, I think boys do it more and better — or worse, depending on how you look at it. My brothers range in age from 2 to 33 and I promise you some of them don’t ever change. :oP The older ones are just as bad as the younger ones, they just seem to make more sense — which isn’t always a good thing.
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
You’re not the first one to suggest that there may be a link between the Y chromosome and this behavior. Seven brothers…you must qualify for some kind of award of heroism for that.
Thanks for the comment!
mamaproud
November 8, 2011
I fully expect my 4 and 1 year-old to surpass me in wit and intelligence but this is exhausting.
I've Become My Parents
November 8, 2011
I hear you! I only have one, but can you somehow get them to sick their wit and intelligence on each other thereby leaving you out of harm’s way?
monicafay
November 8, 2011
Im sad to say that I still live in your son’s reality which is entirely why I created my blog- to justify being in that reality as an adult.
haha
I've Become My Parents
November 8, 2011
Well, as I understand it, there’s no issue with that as long as you’re wearing pearls 😉
sheokhanda
November 8, 2011
nice…..
Marie Overfors
November 9, 2011
I can relate, Mr. “I’ve Become My Parents”!
I've Become My Parents
November 10, 2011
I’m sorry. 😉
Ta-Da
November 10, 2011
Co-sign —-> “Your reality is, well, whatever you want it to be at the time”
I've Become My Parents
November 10, 2011
OK, so at first I thought you were talking about the trigonometric function. But then I realized that the hyphen and spelling of “sign” would have to mean “signing together”, like on a loan or something. Or it could mean that two things are being signalled at the same time, like sending two messages in the same communication. Then, I thought, well why don’t I ask Ta-Da what the hell he/she meant?
So. Um, what do you mean?
Heather Monica
November 11, 2011
oh wow… I cant begin to tell you how relieved I am. With 6 sons and 4 daughters we have multiple alternate dimensions. Possibly multiple personalities per dimension and reality is a joke that everyone laughs at but no one really gets… LOVE THIS!
I've Become My Parents
November 11, 2011
Cool. That’s a lot of dimensions, realities and personalities! It sure makes it hard for a guy like me to whine about my problems…of course that won’t stop me, though 😉
Thanks for commenting!
jackgreen1609
November 13, 2011
HAha, I’m just leaving kid stages and miss those arguments with my parents, i swear, as long as your cute and under the age of 10, you can get away with anything!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
November 16, 2011
Well, you probably already figured this out but they don’t miss those arguments!
Thanks for reading!
Doug
November 14, 2011
I don’t have children and do not ever plan on having them. Mostly because the idea completely and utterly terrifies me. At any rate, this is a hilarious post.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
November 16, 2011
Yeah, I didn’t either. But I got over that and, honestly I’m glad I did. Now we’ll have to see what his opinion about the whole thing is down the road… 😉
genesisofthegenius
November 16, 2011
hey!! nice humourous way to explain the theory Check out a similar blog of mine 🙂
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
November 16, 2011
Hehehe!
Fusk i nätcasinon
November 17, 2011
I have a 2 year old she is not there yet, but its good to know what i have to look forward to right now its all what is that and why why why why why why.
then i tell her not to do something and she smiles at me looking right into my eyes she them proceeds to do it again just to see what will happen.
Ahhh, kids are so much fun, like a Colonoscopy
LOL
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
November 17, 2011
Ha! Of course, after a colonoscopy you get to go home and hopefully forget about it — oh, and if you’re lucky you get a souvenir video keepsake. Kids kind of stick around a while. Enjoy that why why why why thing. I found it a valuable stage for establishing the illusion that I actually had the answers to everything.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Wendy Boyce
July 13, 2012
I find myself choosing to live in ‘their’ world. Jump in and try it sometime…it totally freaks them out! One of my kids screamed in the grocery store when told no lollipop. The next time we shopped, when we got to the register, I threw my body on the floor and sobbed over a lollipop. The poor girl looked confused and scared, my kid ran into the hallway to escape me. I stood up, apologized without explanation…left. My kid NEVER cried for anything in public again! As for me, I learned that throwing a fit in public felt…kinda, oddly cool. The poor check out girl probably runs and hides when she sees me in public For some sick reason I like that thought! Yep their world has way more excitement!
thedadontherun
April 12, 2013
tl;dr
Kilroy was here.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
April 12, 2013
About time Kilroy showed up.
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April 24, 2013
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enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
April 25, 2013
That would be http://twitter.com/ibecamemydad
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