I was looking through some boxes of old stuff tonight. It’s pretty hard to go through boxes of old stuff without finding a bazillion things that would fit nicely into a series about stupid things I tried. In fact, I think the first box I looked at holds enough evidence to provide a lifetime of “stupid things” posts.
I’ll start with eyewear.
I wore glasses. I got my first pair when I was about the age you are now. You’ve already got glasses and you seem pretty comfortable with them. That’s good. But I want to share with you what I picked as my first and second pairs of glasses. This is because I honestly think you just got lucky with your first choice. And by lucky, I mean, I had little influence on it.
I’m sure I’ll write another post about my awesome (in the “shock and awe” sense of the word) fashion sensibility at some point. For now, let’s just talk about eyewear.
Now, before I show you the first pair of glasses I chose and wore as a kid, let me remind you that I’ve become my parents…and my parents actually let me walk out of the store with these:
So look, I’ll do all I can to consult and advise, but I suspect the only reason you got so lucky last time is because Mom was in the room.
If you’re looking for further proof, I submit exhibit B: My second pair of glasses.
You may recognize this model as the eyewear of choice for serial killers and pedophiles everywhere.
Now, I did a bit more digging and I found some pictures of a guy known as Jeffery Dahmer. Let’s just say he was a very, very bad man with a nasty temper and really bad taste in food. And if my crappy fashion sense doesn’t scare you, let me show you a picture of Mr. Dahmer when he was about the age you are now:
And this is him just a bit before the government filled his veins with sleeping juice:
Now, don’t freak out on me here. My taste in people is purely non-culinary, I promise. I’m simply suggesting that my taste in glasses may not be the one you want to be consulting for advice.
banbamama
June 24, 2011
sorry I shouldn’t laugh at this but I am! I too had glasses. I remember the first time I got them, being forced to choose. I look at photographs of myself now and say out loud “what was I thinking!”
I've Become My Parents
June 24, 2011
Go ahead and laugh. It’s OK. The question you have to ask yourself is whether they were in style at the time you wore them. In my case, they were about 5 years out of style.
Thanks for the comment!
Thom Brown
June 24, 2011
I love it! Too true, too funny.
Janine Ripper
June 24, 2011
Brilliant idea for a post! And the glasses…hahaha
Paula
June 24, 2011
Gasp!!! That was funny… LOL!!!
I've Become My Parents
June 24, 2011
Thom, Janine and Paula,
Thanks for the comments! I still have the glasses if any of you want them… 😉
Hajra
June 24, 2011
Lol! By the fashion sense kids have today I am sure he is all ready to pick up a sexy eye wear or maybe just opt for lenses all together!
I've Become My Parents
June 24, 2011
I think he’ll do fine as long as I’m not advising him on the choice. And yes, there’s always contacts!
Thanks, Hajra, for stopping by!
Alan
June 24, 2011
You know how no one wears a certain type of mustache except for Charlie Chaplin and Hitler, and then once Hitler wore it, no one did anymore?
I think these glasses are kind of like that. Only not as genocidal.
I've Become My Parents
June 24, 2011
Ha, LOL! Yes, I think you’re right. If you do a Google search for Dahmer glasses, you actually get pictures of, well, what I wore. Who wants to be the guy wearing Dahmer glasses?
Thanks for the comment, Alan!
Aaron
October 19, 2011
I actually want to be the guy wearing Dahmer glasses. I’m going as him to a bad taste Halloween party. As a matter of fact, that’s how I got here. Do you know what kind of glasses these are actually called?
Funny blog by the way.
I've Become My Parents
October 19, 2011
I’ve always only known them as Dahmer glasses. You could have mine but they’d be a bit small 😉
So just to be clear, for the bad taste Halloween party, are you going as Dahmer…or, are you going as me as a kid? Cause I’d be totally jazzed if it were the latter…
Aaron
October 23, 2011
Ha. No, I’ll be going as Dahmer – I wouldn’t want to offend anyone…
I've Become My Parents
October 25, 2011
Hehe. Yeah, best to keep it all in good taste 😉
Joy
June 24, 2011
You are awesome!…(You are free to interpret that ‘awesomeness’ how ever you choose). Aren’t we all glad there is lasik? I’m sure your son is!
I've Become My Parents
June 24, 2011
Thanks, Joy. I bet by the time he’s in his 20s, there will be some kind of retinal replacement surgery that’ll fix everything.
Thanks for stopping by!
Cas
October 28, 2015
lol love this and btw i’m learning about jeff dahmer and apparently he doesn’t have a bad temper and is actually a nice guy outside of you know what. Crazy right?!
Also, he was sentenced to life in prison and died because he was beat up
Cheeseboy
June 24, 2011
Well, your first pair would be considered very “hipster” nowadays. I kinda like them. The other pair? Where you driving a large, black van at the time?
I've Become My Parents
June 24, 2011
It’s funny (or, maybe scary), but I am starting to see those first frames around. As for the second pair, I put them on briefly last night and my wife went for the phone to dial 911. I think the world’s not ready yet for those ones again.
Thanks for the comment, Cheeseboy.
Teresa
June 24, 2011
LOL!!! That is hysterical!
I've Become My Parents
July 3, 2011
Thanks Teresa!
josie
June 24, 2011
I will not come and consult you when the time comes for me to get reading glasses. . .
I've Become My Parents
June 25, 2011
I am not offended in the least. In fact not to take my advice on anything is about the only advice I recommend taking.
parentips.com
June 24, 2011
Dude, this was GREAT! This line was funny in a morbid way: “Let’s just say he was a very, very bad man with a nasty temper and really bad taste in food.”
NICE WORK!
I've Become My Parents
June 25, 2011
He actually asked me Who Jeffery Dahmer was last night (I usually tell him what I’m blogging about). “Why was he a bad guy?” “Well, um, he killed some people”. “Why?” “Well, because he was a bad guy” “Does he stll do that?” “No” “Why not? Is he dead?” “Yes” “How’d he die?” “Well, see, in some countries…” … I should have just stuck to the original
Thanks for stopping by!
Penelope James
June 24, 2011
I’m so glad you didn’t turn out to be a serial killer with weird tastes. But you made me wonder if I might have a problem – apart from poor fashion taste. I have all three pairs of glasses just like those, including the ones Jeffrey Dahmer wore just before he got juiced – or didn’t someone stick a knife into him first? I swear I don’t have killer instincts though my ex-husband might disagree since I did bash his head in once, but of course it was an accident. Anyway, those are standard frames and cheaper, and since I’m not a glasses snob, that’s why I got them. However, my son did buy me a new pair with nice modern frames. Or maybe he wanted to sweeten me. You know, just in case.
I've Become My Parents
June 25, 2011
Yes, but what do you REALLY know about the guy behind the blog?
Accident? Did the judge agree? Just asking?
Anyway, letting the world think you’re a serial killer does have it’s advantages –folks arecawefully nice to you…
Thanks for stopping in, Penelope.
Lucy
June 25, 2011
Funny! 🙂
I've Become My Parents
July 3, 2011
Thanks!
Lalia
June 25, 2011
Hilarious post! My first glasses took up my whole face. What a nightmare of purple frames with pink tinted lenses. Oh the horror! lol
I've Become My Parents
July 3, 2011
So do you blame your parents for letting you wear them, or yourself for wanting to wear them?
Thanks for the comment Lalia
Adriene (Sweepy Jean)
June 26, 2011
It’s so hard to pick glasses as a kid. I picked out a pair of glasses that were green and orange alternating stripes. I thought they were cool at the time. I didn’t realize that the kids in my class wouldn’t think so …
I've Become My Parents
July 3, 2011
Yup, I understand. I was embarrassed about my first pair within 2 minutes of putting them on. Of course, now they’re coming into style…go figure!
charlie nitric
June 26, 2011
Just be grateful you’re no mega weirdo wearing those glasses like Dahmer turned out to be. Anyways, yesterday is in the past. Your son will make mistakes as we all do. Fashions will change and his style and tastes will grow also. Once bell bottoms were in and now they are not, lol.
I've Become My Parents
July 3, 2011
What? When did bell bottoms go out of style? Damn, no wonder they were so cheap…
Thanks Charlie, for the comment. I agree, my son will ultimately do just fine!
Samantha Bangayan
June 27, 2011
The second pair is my favorite! =) Maybe I just need to catch on to your style, so I don’t feel so embarrassed about my glasses! =P I’ve been a serial contact lens user. =P
I've Become My Parents
July 3, 2011
So I wonder what kind of contacts Charles Manson wore…
I still have that pair, by the way, if you’re interested in it. I’ll bring it with next time I’m in Peru 🙂
Custom term papers
June 30, 2011
My father had the same glasses when i was a kid.I used to try it out then and it wouldn’t even hang on my face! Things have really changed around now.
tesorolawson
June 30, 2011
love the post!!
I've Become My Parents
July 3, 2011
Thanks. Glad you did!
manneredgold
June 30, 2011
I recently found a pic of my brother and I – he in a sailor suit, me in tinted eyewear so large, I don’t register cheekbones. I’m dumbfounded my mother thought “Excellent choices! Let’s capture this on film!” Your parenting skills are noble, esp. when used to acknowledge all the life choices you should step out of. Up next: prom attire. Never too soon to plan.
I've Become My Parents
July 3, 2011
Yikes! Prom attire? Oh, no, not me. We’ll hire a professional for that stuff.
So do you think your mother was thinking that she’d use the photo as a later date as blackmail to keep you in line as a teen? Cause that’s what I’m thinking of doing with my son. Whatya think?
tokyo5
July 4, 2011
>this is him (Jeffery Dahmer) just a bit before the government filled his veins with sleeping juice
Actually, Dahmer was beat to death by another inmate in prison.
Anyways, that’s not really an important detail for this post.
Your blog is great, by the way!
I've Become My Parents
July 4, 2011
Thanks. You know, someone else mentioned that to me after I posted it, too. Can we just call it creative license at this point? I guess I’m more into serial killer fashion than history…
Thanks for reading and commenting!
cath
September 18, 2011
I was laughing at your choice in eyewear and thinking my first two choices (one blue, one pink, don’t remember which I got first) when I was a kid were weird because they had silver glitter in them…then I read Lalia’s and Adriene’s choices and felt like part of the gang. I kept some of my old glasses through the years and never fail to wonder what possessed me when I made my choices. I think I wanted to keep them in case they came back in style, never thinking that I wouldn’t be able to see a thing out of them because the prescription was old. Heck, the ones I wear now are old too, and I have to wear a pair of reading glasses on top of them to see. Now THAT makes me look like someone who could kill. 😀
I've Become My Parents
September 19, 2011
Ha! Well, you know you can always get new lenses for thos old frames…just sayin’.
By the way, I’m sure that wearing two pairs of glasses at the same time will be all the rage soon; just wait and see.
dakota havard (@dakotahavard)
May 7, 2012
um dahmer was beat to death with a bar bell by an inmate not “filled with juice”
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 7, 2012
Yeah, I know. Found out a day after posting. 25 comments later and you’re the first one to point it out…Congratulations!
Gina
September 10, 2012
Hey, what are those glasses called?
I’m going to be Jeffrey Dahmer for halloween, & I can’t seem to find those style anywhere on amazon.com
Rosali Soriano
April 26, 2015
He didn’t have a nasty temper. He was actually very polite and respectful. You can’t say he has a bad taste in food if you’ve never tried it 😉 and the government didn’t “fill his veins with sleeping juice”, he was beat to death by Christopher Scarver while they where cleaning toilets. He wasn’t on death row so it wouldn’t have happened anyway, he was sentenced 937 years in prison.
Bill
October 10, 2015
I know this is an old post, but i just came across it. Not to nitpick, but the second picture of Dahmer says it was taken “just a bit before the government filled his veins with sleeping juice.” Dahmer was actually killed by a fellow inmate while he was in prison. Good post overall though.
Bill
October 10, 2015
And i should have read the comments before i posted mine. It’s been pointed out several times already. Sorry!
The Slayer 2806
April 11, 2016
The government didn’t kill him he unfortunately got beaten to death in jail.
Taylor
April 23, 2018
Jeffrey Dahmer’s veins were never filled with “sleeping juice.” He was murdered in prison by another inmate. I just hate seeing false information written online. By the way, I think Mr. Dahmer had great taste in his choice of frames.