- Identity withheld to protect the innocent…and the guilty.
Trust me, I’m a blogger, I want to be famous. I want to be “discovered” and have my blog turned into a global best-seller and quit my day job. I want my book to become a sitcom, then a movie, blah, blah, blah.
But not at the expense of my child.
I talk about things that are funny and meaningful to me and hopefully that others enjoy. I believe that the fact that the stories and ideas are real makes them honest, funny and more heartfelt. But I’m also well aware of the damage that can be caused when anything potentially embarrassing online can be linked to a specific child–now or in the future.
I have no problem creating laughs at my own expense and, while my folks have given this blog their blessing–anonymous or not, I’d probably still write it if they didn’t. But my son’s a different story.
My son knows about this blog. We talk about many of the posts; I let him read some. I ask his permission when he says something and I want to quote it. I have withheld posting things that made him uncomfortable. And I do everything I can to remain anonymous because kids can be cruel and no humor is worth exposing him to that.
Whether or not I identify myself (and therefore my son) will be his decision when he’s old enough to make it. In the mean time, I hope that readers are OK with a nameless, faceless blogger and understand the reasons for it.
If that’s just not good enough, feel free to contact me directly. Unless you’re a spammer, in which case, get lost; if I was that worried about the size of my penis, I’d have compensated with a Hummer a long time ago.
And yes, that is me in the lederhosen.
Now back to your regularly-scheduled blog posts…
I've become my parents 
Alexandra Kerr
June 20, 2011
I think 110% you are doing the right thing by checking and being open with your child about what you post. It is the right thing to do. LOVE the hummer line, laughed out loud!
I've Become My Parents
June 20, 2011
Thanks. I’ve read some complaints on other blogs about anonymity, so I thought I’d give my reasons and see what others have to say.
Thanks for the comment!
Hocam
June 21, 2011
I agree with you totally, it is important to protect your child. I started blogging as Hocam mainly because I’m a teacher. I rarely blog about my job or family which is just as well as the blog has become linked with my facebook page.
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
I suppose being a teacher opens up all kinds of issues for bloggers…hadn’t really thought of that.
Thanks for the comment!
MuMuGB
June 21, 2011
Being a Dad comes before being a blogger…I talk about my daughters, but I check with them that they are OK with it, and I avoid embarrassing subjects (for them, not for me!). We are all doing what we can to be good parents (or, should I say, as good as possible!)
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
I suppose you’re right…but some times being a blogger is more fun!
Hajra
June 21, 2011
Totally understandable, no wonder it was so hard to get in touch with you for the challenge 😉
P.S. I take my parents permission before posting anything that mentions them…trying my best to be a good daughter…!
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
I sort of asked my folks for their general approval before diving in…sort of.
Daddy Knows Less
June 21, 2011
I’m sorry you felt compelled to justify your reasons, which I agree with. I grapple with this every day. Since I started as a blog purely for family and friends, and gained a following in the meantime, I’ve started to become more aware of
the details i share. Whatever works with you is fine with those of us who read you.
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
Thanks for that. I think a lot of people start blogging anticipating that only a few specific people will read it. But hey, who could NOT want to read DaddyKnowsLess?
Appreciate your comment!
cath
June 21, 2011
I understand what you are saying exactly. There are many times I wish I could go back and gain anonymity. Unfortunately, I started my blog with the intentions only my family would read it, and never realized anyone else would. When I noticed there were people on the other side of the world who were reading, I just threw my wig in the air and said “oh well too late to go back”. So my blog is about most any thought I have on my family and life in general. My family knows I am open about most things, and they also know I would NEVER write about something that would hurt or embarrass them (well maybe a bit on that second one). I don’t talk about my job except in general terms, and try to think before I write. All good writing is responsible writing. If I am going to write about my family, then it has to be well thought out. My plan for my blog from day one was to leave something for my kids and grandkids to have as a remembrance when I am gone (yes I am that close to being dead with old age). That is still the plan, no matter who reads it.
Thanks for the thoughts, and for protecting those kids.
~cath xo
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
Nice thoughts, Cath.
There’s deffinitely a difference between writing about family in a way that allows us all to laugh together and writing in a way that causes us to laugh at others. You clearly do the former and I respect that.
Appreciate the comment!
Holly Jahangiri
June 21, 2011
What bothers me is bloggers who use a celebrity for their profile photo. Or a beloved pet, but somehow that’s just better than impersonating Pierce Brosnan, or something. “Hey, Pug…sley…” I don’t mind so much when someone uses a handmade craft (such as a real – not WordPress/Gravatar – quilt square, or a bonsai tree, or something) to represent them. It’s all about how you see yourself, isn’t it?
I think you have good reasons for blogging anonymously that don’t involve being sly, secretive, or abusive of your online community – and that makes all the difference in the world.
I do think it’s nice of you to articulate those reasons, because maybe it will give others food for thought. Not everyone exercises the same level of discretion. Mine goes something like, “If you’ve not kept your own secrets secret, then they’re public, and if I was any part of the goings on, then I can write about them. But if you’ve shared a real confidence, by God, I’ll take it to the grave.” That, and I don’t write about the intimacies of marriage.
“Embarrassing moments”? Oh, dear – what if my child runs for President, one day!? I’ve come to think that if a kid’s that easily embarrassed, I’ve spared him or her the horrors of media scrutiny and set their feet on a more pleasant path than politics. Nowadays, you have to have a spine of steel to be a candidate for political office – that, or severe brain trauma. I cannot think of any incident that I’m aware of that is so embarrassing it would damage career potential provided the adult child doesn’t flinch or blush deeply. Because, to me, as a constituent, it would merely show a severe lack of humor. 🙂
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
Thanks Holly. I like your position on what you will and won’t write about.
I think it’s important to point out that I think what works for me and my family may or may not be appropriate for others who blog about their families. I’m certainly not saying others should take the same approach. I suspect there are many who would argue that I’m going to an unnecessary extreme.
And if my kid decides to run for President in the future…well, then the fact that I blogged that he once asked if he was getting his period isn’t the thing that he needs to worry about….
BrowsingRome
June 21, 2011
I totally agree with this stance you are taking and I would do the same. I am close to my nieces and I don’t even share their pictures on FB I have with them. I don’t feel comfortable exposing them and never would as they are still so young. Kudos to you for protecting your child.
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
Thanks for the comment. Honestly, I don’t know what to do about FB…that just scares me–for myself, let alone my son…
Joy
June 21, 2011
Bloggers have always been divided on this ‘issue’. However, I think everyone should just respect everybody else’s reasons and yours are totally justified….not that you need to justify them. Like Cathy, sometimes I wish too that I had been more anonymous, but jeez…my domain name says it all, haha! So I guess my intention was really to own it and let my friends and family find me in the www. I just hope I don’t regret it in the future, esp when my son is all grown. Blog how ever you prefer. You’re doing great and your words continue to matter!!
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
Thanks Joy. To be honest, I expected to hear at least some criticism of the whole anonymity thing. I guess either they’re not reading my blog (shame on them!) or those that dissagree are just too polite to say so…I can take it, really I can…
Apprecieate the comment!
Lalia Voce
June 21, 2011
As an anonymous blogger myself I totally get where your coming from. I started out my blog as private for just a few select people and the more I wrote the more I wanted it to be seen. It was actually Cathy who suggested I go incognito 🙂 So glad I did! xo
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
Thanks um, Lailia…or whoever you are…
Any regrets?
Tessa
June 21, 2011
There was a huge kerfuffle over a column that used to run in The Guardian (UK) called “Living with Teenagers”. It was often a very insightful, witty and sometimes scary read. I looked forward to the weekly edition. But then the previously anonymous writer was exposed, and it caused a lot of problems and embarrassment for her family when her three teenage children realised that A) their private moments had been exposed to the world and B) that it was apparant that most of the people around the family had guessed the identity of the writer and were all talking about it behind their backs.
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
First of all, I am proud to have written a post that resulted in the use of the word “kerfuffle” in a comment. Tessa, you have made my day and I’m only on word 5 of your comment.
I hadn’t heard about the column in the Guardian, but the story doesn’t surprise me. Hopefully, this will be different because everyone that is associated with stories I write knows I’m writing them. The difference is, perhaps, that I’m not writing in secret; I’m writing anomymously..if that makes sense…
Thom Brown
June 21, 2011
My wife has occasionally chastised me for something I’ve posted, but then one of my daughters says it was okay, I take that to mean I have been careful enough or have found the right balance.
Your ponts are well taken, however, and it’s better to err on the side of caution.
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
Well, Thom (if, indeed that IS your real name 😉 ) it seems to me we’re doing just fine if the world is evenly devided on whether to be happy or angry…Thanks for the comment!
Adriene (Sweepy Jean)
June 21, 2011
That’s quite understandable. It’s striking to me that most of your posts are lovingly addressed to your son, but by the same token, you are fiercely protecting him from any harm such posting may bring to him. Seems like the perfect metaphor for the lengths we will go to as parents. 🙂
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
Still, part of me wonders whether the greatest length to which I could go would be to choose an entirely different subject to blog about altogether. Time will tell, I suppose.
bornstoryteller
June 21, 2011
Who are you, and why are you following me? oh…I subscribed to this? It’s my fault? oh..ok..never mind, anonymous one
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
That’s the GREAT Anonymous One, to you. As in, “Oh Great Anonymous One, thy last post put me onto a path of snorishness from which I wilst never recover”.
Samantha Bangayan
June 22, 2011
Makes complete sense! I really respect your decision! =) Although, I wonder what you think about introducing yourself and letting us refer to you using your first name. It can get difficult to say, “The I’ve Become My Parents Guy”, and there’s just something about being able to speak to you personally using your name in your comments section too. If you’re not comfortable using your real name, you can always choose a pseudonym? =)
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
First of all, how do you know the first name I gave you isn’t a pseudonym? Bwahahahaha!
Samantha Bangayan
June 23, 2011
Haha! =) Good point! =)
At least use your name/pseudonym in your blog, e.g., on your About Me page. Can I refer to you by the name I know you as here in the comments? =)
charlie nitric
June 22, 2011
Hey –
I think you have a good sense between right and wrong. I have 2 teenaged boys whom have been mentioned in a couple of my stories. I’ve allowed them to read and even had a couple of pictures of my kids when we were messing around on the river one Saturday. They love it and enjoy my stories. I avoid using swear words best I can in all my work. They are unnecessary as there are many terms we can employ to describe the same things. You’re on the right track with your blogging. 🙂
I've Become My Parents
June 22, 2011
Thanks for that feedback. I’m kind of looking forward to the time when my son is in his teens and we can do some blogging together.
Jenny Stamos
June 22, 2011
I started my blog when I was working as a freelance writer. After 5 years or so of writing, it was intended to bring more exposure to my work; to let readers get to know me better, and to be a place to share tidbits from articles that had been cut from the published story, but that I thought would help people.
If I’d known about the recession, my husband leaving me, and family members starting to read my blog, I would definitely have started it anonymously, but after 2 years, I don’t want to lose everything I’ve gained.
I try very hard not to say anything that would hurt someone, but I also feel compelled to tell the truth. I wish that I could tell it without second guessing what people might say.
I envy those of who who’ve blogged anonymously from the beginning! 🙂
I've Become My Parents
July 4, 2011
Thanks for your comment Jenny–if that indeed is your real name 😉
I do think it’s important to write what you feel and try not to second guess how people will take it, but that is tough when you’re writing about things from the heart. But a big part of me (specifically the insecure egotistical part) also wants to “come out of the closet”.
Thanks for reading and for commenting!
Helen W
June 23, 2011
My, what a big left foot you have!
I agree totally about staying
Carolyn Nicander Mohr
June 29, 2011
Interesting insights. I struggle with this issue too. I don’t use my kids’ names or images in my blog. Though when I search on Flickr for images to use, I am constantly amazed at how many people share their kids’ images with the world. I recently wrote a post about apps for road trips with kids and was hoping to find some anonymous images of kids in the car (from behind or something), but every image showed the kids’ faces. If I won’t use my own kids’ images on my blog, I won’t use others’ either.
Thanks for your perspective on this issue. Although I’m not anonymous, I respect your choice to remain so.
I've Become My Parents
July 4, 2011
Thanks Carolyn, for your comments. I’m also surprised by what I see floating around out there. And I respect your policy of not using kids’ images.
Thanks for reading and for commenting!
4kidsunder4
June 29, 2011
I think it is awesome that you have that kind of respect for your child!!! I have my 2 girls’ pictures on my blog and FB but they are only 3 and 8mo… If one of my girls ever asked me to take it down I would in a heartbeat but for now I’ll let their beauty light up the world… There are too many creeps out there and awful things happening if I really sat and thought about it for a while I’d prob lock them in a closet till they were 40! But I dont want to be all paranoid =/
I've Become My Parents
July 4, 2011
You’re right, one can get overly paranoid pretty quickly if you really sit down and think too much about it. I think if my son were still a baby, I wouldn’t have any problem putting his images on the blog. Now though, he’s at an age where other kids at school can recognize him and it takes on a different significance.
Thanks for commenting!
isilar
June 29, 2011
Why would any one not do that:-o
I've Become My Parents
July 4, 2011
Well, I think some people don’t necessarily share the same conspcerns that I have. Others, I think, feel they just wouldn’t be taken as seriously if the were anonymous. Anyone else have any thoughts?
Thanks for your comment!
audreywilsen
June 30, 2011
I’d buy that book!!!
…and you could always publish it under a pseudonym =)
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
Woohoo, a customer! Now you understand that this comment section is a binding contractual agreement, right?
Thanks for reading!
audreywilsen
July 21, 2011
Yup, of course. And I hope you understand that personal contact with a customer totally obliges you to provide said customer with a signed copy, right?
Again, thanks for WRITING. 🙂
Kelly
July 6, 2011
That’s awesome how you respect your son and want to have your writing identity remain private to your loved ones.
I started a site called http://www.WhyIBlog.com would love to know what everyone thinks and see if we could help get some of your thoughts on the site as well. It’s rare a blogger is anonymous yet so interesting and mysterious!
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
Thanks, Kelly! I’ll be over to check out your blog soon!
I appreciate your comments!
Don't Speak Whinese (@DontSpkWhinese)
August 26, 2011
I originally planned on being totally anonymous for all the same reasons you stated. Then I had a long talk with my daughter about it. She knows what I am doing and she understands my mission. We talk about specific blog posts involving her and I ask permission to talk about some sensitive subjects. My desire for anonymity had more to do with her special needs than anything… but she told me that hiding our identity made us more like a story in a book and not people really going through this. She already feels kept in the shadows by a lot of people and she wants to break that.
I also think she wants her little brother to one day read the stories on him obsessing over his penis and get embarrassed.
Either way… I support you and your decisions and I supported hers. 🙂
I've Become My Parents
August 26, 2011
Thanks for your thoughts on this stuff. I, too, sometimes feel that if these stories were clearly about “real people” they would have more meaning. Of course we are real people, but your daughter’s right that it could just as easily be a work of fiction. I totally respect her maturity and self-confidence and her desire to “break out of the shadows.” I suspect she gets some of that from her mom…?
Plus, being anonymous makes my designation as Time Magazine’s Person of the Year way less likely, which kind of sucks.