parenting humor | I've become my parents

Browsing All posts tagged under »parenting humor«

Beware the vengeful squirrel

July 29, 2013

I get it: you’re scared to sleep in that room. First of all, son, they aren’t dead pet bunnies; they’re dead pet bunnies’ ashes. And the boxes are totally sealed. How evil could the ghosts of dead bunnies be, anyway? What’re they going to do, wiggle their little ghost-noses at you until you piss yourself with fear? […]

6 things that are different when your child goes to camp

July 14, 2013

Son, parents love to tell parents-to-be to get ready because everything changes when you have kids. Well, duh. Raise your hand if you thought you could bring a baby home from the hospital, set the quiet little bundle in the corner next to the keg and go help the band finish setting up. I thought […]

A guided tour of Minecraft: an addict teaches his dad

June 23, 2013

At 12 years-old, I was sitting in front of our black and white television trying to keep a little white blip from getting past a little white line. If I turned the knob to the right, my line went up; if I turned it to the left, my line went down. Every time the blip […]

Just tween you and me

June 9, 2013

Listen, son, let’s be clear about this: your job as my son is to make me feel better about myself by being the kid I wished I had been. You’re supposed to make up for all my youthful shortcomings as I re-live my youth vicariously through you. See, you are my “If I could do […]

Parenting: a burst of instant joy and a lifetime of delayed gratification

May 26, 2013

Okay, son, most of this blog is about things you should know in order to avoid becoming your dad. Some of our newer readers are probably asking what’s so wrong with your dad. Nothing, really. I’m bloody perfect. Well, almost. But that doesn’t mean I want you to be me. Certainly there are things about […]

What to Expect When You’re Expecting to be a Teenager

April 30, 2013

What we have: What I wish we had: Dad, I don’t want to be thirteen. Why not? I don’t want to be a teenager. Really? I thought that’s what tweens looked forward to. I’m scared. Oh. Well, why are you scared? Cause teenagers have bad judgment and do bad things. I don’t want to be […]