What we have:
What I wish we had:
Dad, I don’t want to be thirteen.
Why not?
I don’t want to be a teenager.
Really? I thought that’s what tweens looked forward to.
I’m scared.
Oh. Well, why are you scared?
Cause teenagers have bad judgment and do bad things. I don’t want to be one. They’re kinda like, ‘oh I’m so important and I can bully people, and I’m gonna take some risks and jump off this bridge’ and all that.
Well, I’m glad you don’t want to be one of those; that sounds pretty bad. But not all teens are like that. You don’t have to be like that.
I don’t?
I don’t know what scares me more, the image you have of teenagers or the fact that you see it as an inevitable part of growing up. All this time I was worried about you becoming your father when you grow up; meanwhile you’re just trying not to become an irresponsible bullying ass who makes bad decisions. Clearly I’m aiming too far ahead.
I spent a bit of time thinking about what my image of a typical teenager was when I was twelve. Like you, kids back when I was your age learned a lot about being a teenager from celebrities and teen idols we saw in TV and movies. So here are the key influencers that shaped my perspective:
There were a couple of famous kids named Marcia and Greg Brady. Marcia once painted this frightening picture of high school:
It’s so beneficial for me to be away from those children in junior high and to be with people of my own mature growth. I’m looking forward to the intellectual stimulation. Nice meeting you boys. Bye.
There was another famous celebrity family at that time: the Partridge Family. They were rock ‘n’ rollers, always on the road and living that questionable life that stars live. Teenager Laurie Partridge once told her mom, “When you’re well-known, it’s an opportunity to set a good example.”
There was also a rowdy gang of thugs in a show about the wild 1950s, called Happy Days.
Image: CBSStore.com
Ritchie Cunningham had such a foul mouth. I remember him repeatedly using such nasty slurs as, “Sit on it!” That show even had a biker. That was a big influence on me as a teen. I picked up the habit of saying, “Heyyy!” just like the biker, and I’m sure it had my parents worried about the kids I was hanging around with.
We also had some seriously dysfunctional families like The Waltons and Little House on the Prairie.
As for teen celebrity music idols, Charity7 reminds us of some biggies like Bobby Sherman, David Cassidy, Donny Osmond, Leif Garrett, Andy Gibb, and Shaun Cassidy. You can read all about them on her Squidoo page.
I mean, look at these guys:
It’s practically a miracle that, even with all those influences, I still made it through the teen years without getting into too much trouble.
Seriously, how much harder could it possibly be for a 12-year-old today?
So, can you name some famous teenagers?
There’s Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez. And Taylor Swift –well, she was a teenager once.
Any others?
Craig something?
Craig? Who’s that?
I think he started a Save the Children thing.
What about teenagers on TV?
There’s Glee.
What are they like?
They have sex young.
Oh.
To be honest, I don’t know if it’s harder for teens to find good role models today than it was when I was a kid. It sure seems harder for a child to reconcile what parents are trying to teach them with what our culture seems to idolize. But was it really so different when we were growing up? Cheeky and I would love to hear what readers think.
Oh, and Cheeky wanted to make sure you knew that he remembered Craig’s name: Craig Kielburger, and he founded Free the Children.
secretlyquiet
May 1, 2013
Oh man, it’s sad that this is so very true.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 1, 2013
🙂
Michelle
May 1, 2013
I work with teenagers for a living and I have two young boys myself. I have to be honest, I’m terrified! I mean, I try to remind myself that the teens I work with are “troubled” and that my own kids aren’t necessarily going to go down the same path, but with all of the “pill-heads” and risky driving and everyone having sex…….ugh, I just dread it. I hope that I’m able to head them in the right direction. On another note, I can’t believe you didn’t have any Ralph Macchio pictures on this post……..hello? Were you not into him? I was obsessed!!!!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 1, 2013
Sorry, Ralph wasn’t my type. As a boy, we didn’t have female teen idols. Having said that, more than a few boys had secret crushes on Marsha Brady, a Partridge or two, or, depending on one’s preferences, either Mary Ann or Ginger. It’s interesting, though, that the boy actors were known as people independent of their characters on TV, but the girls were only known as their characters. All the girls we saw in the media were “girl next door” types.
post post modern dad (@ppmdad)
May 1, 2013
I don’t remember a lot of good teen role models growing up. There were more “clean cut” teen idols, but I also think that’s a presentation thing. If we had the internet and social media back in the 70s I’m pretty sure David Cassidy and Ricky Nelson would not have looked nearly as nice as they did. Perhaps the only one that would have was Donny Osmond. I actually looked to adults as my teen models.
Lloyd Dobbler from Say Anything is a good one. Fictional, but still good, because he has integrity. And a boombox.
Renee
May 1, 2013
YES! This! The teens in our time were just as wild as the teens now–it’s just that now, there’s no hiding it.
I saw an interview with David and Sean Cassidy a few years ago. They made that same point, that they were lucky they were able to behave as badly as they wanted and still maintain their clean-cut images.
Even though we always seem to assume that kids keep getting wilder and wilder, it’s not really true. Teens have ALWAYS been teens. There were ***four million*** infants surrendered for adoption between 1940 and 1970.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 1, 2013
I agree. Teens were teens back then, too, but we can see it all unedited now. What seems interesting to me, though, is that as I approached my teens, I didn’t really see that behavior. My son is actually afraid of becoming what he sees on TV and pop culture. I was afraid of becoming Ritchie Cunningham, but for various other reasons.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 1, 2013
I think you’re right. The off-screen personalities were precisely what their managers designed them to be. That’s hard to do today unless the kids’ managers personally run their Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and texts, then require everyone with a cell phone to surrender their phones at the door of all parties the kid is at.
FUchick1
May 1, 2013
If we had internet and social media most of us wouldn’t have survived the teen years! As a parent of a 19,15 and 11 year old, I feel bad for the 11 year old – he has seen tooooo much and can’t have a drink at the end of the day like my husband and I. Hang in there. And please return my Shaun Cassidy poster.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 1, 2013
Bahaha! That was your poster? I see why you need a drink at the end of the day!
It is tough, but maybe our kids are also evolving along with the weirdness of the world around them. Maybe they have tools we didn’t have to deal with it? Maybe? I hope?
Fat Bottom Girl
May 1, 2013
I think it’s much tougher being a kid, and raising kids than when I was young. The whole atmosphere of today’s society makes me want to go live on a farm so I can sequester myself from the craziness!!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 1, 2013
You know, cows and chickens have sex before they’re even tweens. I’m not sure that’s the environment you’re looking for.
Fat Bottom Girl
May 1, 2013
Yes, but you also have the chance of showing a kid how bulls are castrated, what better deterrent do you know?? lol
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 1, 2013
Hahaha! And what a great discipline motivator!
Lance
May 1, 2013
I doubt it’s all that different. I mean I think about the crazy crap I did and cringe imagining my kids doing the same thing. Ugh…
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 1, 2013
Really? Cause I was a totally perfect teen! 😉
cindydwyer
May 1, 2013
My son was out of sorts the days leading up to starting high school. Finally, the night before school started he said, “Mom? Is it true that during the first week of school all the seniors beat up all the freshman?”
It broke my heart. When he survived the first week, he was fine. I think we sometimes forget how scary things can seem for our kids. Especially the boys, since I see my daughter has such a better support structure.
Shaun Cassidy. Sigh. My first true love. I had to dump him though because he acted like he didn’t even know I existed.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 1, 2013
That stuff’s hard to take. Our kids will walk around with fears like that and we don’t know or don’t realize how it may really be affecting them.
As for Shaun, I’m sure he was just assuming you were too good for him and didn’t want to have his heart crushed by your ultimate rejection.
hownottokillyourparents
May 7, 2013
I just thought you’d like to know that I’m sending the Best Moment Award your way. You can check it out here: http://hownottokillyourparents.wordpress.com/2013/05/07/a-shiny-new-award/ . No pressure to participate, just wanted to send some love.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 9, 2013
Hey, thanks! That’s super kind of you. 🙂
Oh, and I’ve been meaning to say thank you, on behalf of parents everywhere, for not killing your parents!
hownottokillyourparents
May 10, 2013
😀
Marina
May 8, 2013
I really enjoyed reading this post. My own child is (thankfully) still far away from teenagerhood, but I remember that feeling as a pre-teen and young teen. I was sure I would suddenly lose all capability to make a rational decision, start hating my parents, and then spend the rest of my life looking back on being a teenager as the best time of my life. It didn’t make any sense, but it seemed inevitable.
What helped me was meeting some older teenagers who were awesome. I think where the media around teenagers is the most damaging is when that’s the only information we have about teenagers. When I met real teenagers through theater classes, community volunteer work, summer camps, etc, it was a lot less scary. I hope there’s something similar in your community that your pre-teen could do.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 9, 2013
Thanks for your comments, Marina. What you’re saying makes absolute sense. I was in band (including the German Band for which I wore the lederhosen in my profile pic), and did all the musicals, too. My son’s doing band and gymnastics, so I think he’ll have some perspective. He’s also doing scouting, which in Canada isn’t as homophobic as it is in the States, so he’s got some role models there, too.
Thanks for stopping by!
mollymalcrow
May 29, 2013
Great article, a very stimulating read!
Just figured i’d put in my two cents, seeing as I AM a teenager. WAS. Woah, was. I’ve been 20 for a few months now…
Anywho, I truly believe that there is a generally decreased standard of role models that are truly people to look up to. Our current social climate idolises things that are far from virtues. Look at our “famous” musicians – Justin Bieber, Nicki MInaj, rappers of various assortments. What these people have in common (with the possible exception of Bieber) is that their music concerns things that shouldn’t be of high concern – drugs, partying, sex. “Bitches”. Misogynistic objectifications.
Our TV idols – Glee (artificial character constructs), soapies (e.g. Home and Away, artificial character constructs, almost Jungian archetypes), Nickelodeon and Disney TV shows (with such high-gloss lives that we really cannot connect).
We aren’t really exposed to typical families, we aren’t exposed to the explicit moral lessons that come through with shows like The Brady Bunch. Our movies are hyper-violent, we’re desensitised on a regular basis to violence and sex. Respect is not respect. There is no loyalty to loyalty. Part of this is our lack of role models.
I grieve for my generation. There are precious few of us that espouse the virtues of generations of old.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
May 30, 2013
Thanks for popping by and commenting. It’s nice to hear the perspective of someone that’s very recently survived their teens. It’s also nice to know that one CAN actually survive their teens with some perspective intact.
Still, it seems that one could argue that The Brady Bunch was an equally unrealistic portrayal of the American family at the time, albeit in the opposite extreme. The Bradys’ total perfection as a family was about as unreal in the 1970’s as the violent, sex-filled lives of TV and movie characters are today. At the same time, there were more child abductions in the 70’s when we were watching the Brady Bunch than there are now, when we can see children in danger on TV all the time. What does that mean? I have no clue, but it sounds like you’re a psych or social studies major, so maybe you can figure it out and get back to us in another year or so 🙂
mollymalcrow
May 30, 2013
I am indeed a psychology student, so I look at things somewhat as a giant experiment. It would be interesting to compare all these things. I’m thinking I have a future post topic in this! 😀
Paula Turner
July 16, 2013
Through Freshly Pressed I came upon your blog and so my comment is very late….but I have to say that there are aspects for our kids that are tougher, way tougher. As others have said, the internet hides nothing from our kids so that sense of doom and gloom that we feel probably manifests itself even more deeply for them as they don’t have the life experience and wider view to deal with the issues and images. It is tougher because of many issues. The ways in which things may be slightly easier is the flip side of that they can search the internet and find out that their interest in….whatever…no matter how obscure doesn’t make them an outsider – it just makes them an insider who hasn’t found their people!
My children are no longer children, or teenagers, but young adults and it was through programs like Free the Children/Me to We that my daughter learned about the broader world. She had a great friend base but the people she met through a Me to We trip inspired her beyond anything else – she met other youth who were committed to wanting to change the world for others, not just themselves. And it was through the internet that my son’s social conscience was able to find out information and make choices in his day to day life that made him a responsible person, responsible not just to himself but to others.
Your son has you. And you are listening and talking and watching out for him. That’s a foundation that will help him be okay.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 25, 2013
Thanks, Paula, for your thoughts. I think we have to help our kids find ways to make potential dangers like the Internet into positives, as you’ve clearly done. Thanks for stopping by!