After a year of providing all the advice you’ll never need every Wednesday, I thought I’d give WTF Wednesday a break for a while. I’ll still provide useless parenting advice on occasion, and you can always still ask a question via the comments, “contact me” page, or Twitter.
Today’s post sticks with the theme of the last post: the wonderful world of pre-teen dances. It’s about what happened the first time I was actually asked to a dance, and is a good lesson in why twins should be required to tattoo their names on their foreheads.
In 7th grade, Lisa Denman asked if I wanted to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with her. That was the one dance of the year where girls could ask the boys to go without being labeled total sluts. Don’t ask; times were different then.
Actually, it might have been Leslie who asked me. That was Lisa’s twin sister who was also in my 7th grade class. I couldn’t tell the difference.
I said yes. It was totally out of character, but I said it before I had a chance to think through the consequences. In particular, the consequence in which I would actually have to go to the dance with her.
She asked me right at the end of the last period and the dance was that evening. On my way home, it donned on me that I didn’t actually know which of the Denman sisters I was going to the dance with. I figured that it probably didn’t matter, though; I could go the whole night without knowing which Denman it was as long as I made note of what she was wearing when she picked me up.
She would pick me up, right? Isn’t that what you do when you go to the dance with someone? Of course, she’d pick me up. So I thought, as I waited by the window beginning about a half-hour before the dance was to start.
About the time the dance was supposed to be starting it occurred to me that she would have no idea where I lived, and about a half-hour into the dance it occurred to me that I was an idiot and I got my mom to drive me.
I showed up to the dance almost an hour late. Both twins were there and I had no idea which one had asked me to the dance, so I did what came naturally: I ignored them both.
Eventually, Lisa—or Leslie—came up looking a little pissed and gave me that annoyed “Well?” look. So I danced with her for a couple of songs, looking everywhere–the band, the lights, the other dancers, my shoes, her shoes, the guy next to me’s shoes—everywhere but at her.
The fourth song was a slow dance. If you read my last post, you won’t be surprise to hear that I panicked. I told Lisa—or Leslie—I had to pee and I split for the bathroom. I’m guessing she wasn’t thinking this was the perfect date when I left her standing there on the dance floor. That would explain why she was slow dancing with Doug Benning during the fast part of Freebird when I came back. The date was over.
For the rest of the year, I had no idea which of the Denman twins I should be embarrassed in front of, so I resolved to just be embarrassed in front of both of them.
amiabnormal
October 25, 2012
LOL
LOL
LOL
U really need to read my blog, ‘Harrison Denmark,’
It is the story of a teenage boy and his troubles,
if you don’t mind he may have an awkward school dance coming up.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
October 25, 2012
Harrison Denmark was a pseudonym of author Roger Zelazny. Are you a fan?
I’ll have to check out the blog.
amiabnormal
October 26, 2012
I had no idea.
The idea actually came when I imagined the transition period version of Adrian Mole (a character by Sue Townsend). The Adrian Mole books start at 13 and 3 quarters so she never really writes about the whole change. The name was purely coincidental but I will be sure to have a look at Roger Zelazny works in response to your recommendation.
danheydon
October 25, 2012
I myself have been in a very embarrassing situation involving accidently sleeping with the twin of an ex-girlfriend. I wouldn’t have been as attracted to my ex-girlfriend if she had her name tattooed to her head, but it would have helped massively if her twin had got “Derek” tattooed to his.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
October 25, 2012
Bahahaha! Nicely done! If this was Twitter I would have starred that and retweeted it!
beanovercomer
October 25, 2012
This is bringing up my own bits of awkwardness and 9th grade angst at school dances, and well, in general. Life was much simpler back then.
~Steph
P.S. Very funny track your on here! Loving it!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
October 25, 2012
Life may have been much simpler, but I’m glad I’m not back there again!
afterthekidsleave
October 25, 2012
Oh, the pain of junior high. 🙂
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
October 25, 2012
Not sure, but I think the scars are worse than the pain, if you know what I mean 😉
avistyle89
October 25, 2012
LOL!!! You should have guessed! You had a 50/50 shot! If you guessed wrong, the worst that could happen would have probably been better than what did!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
October 25, 2012
Haha! You know, you’re right! Why didn’t I think of that? Where were you when I was in 7th grade? Wait, don’t answer that. I think I know the answer and it’ll make me look really old.
Thanks for the comment!
Things You Realize After You Get Married
October 26, 2012
Oh those middle school dances! So many (not-so-great) memories! Your reaction reminds me of a typical 7th grade boy’s reactions! lol
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
October 26, 2012
Yup, I’m getting the sense that I was pretty typical. Unfortunately. 😉
Thanks for popping by and commenting!