Lazy and just a wee bit too honest

Posted on July 8, 2011


Honey I'm Home
Son, we’ve talked about a lot of stuff here. Most notably, I’ve tried to give you a bit of a heads up about what becoming like me would mean for you.  It’s my version of Scared Straight–steering you away from living a life of, well, being your parents (Which, while technically is not illegal, should be considered a crime).

The two categories of me-ishness that this post covers are laziness and honesty. When I was your age, I had too much of both.

Now, you’ve probably noticed that when you wait until the last minute to make a card for me or mom, it’s way harder to think up a good sappy line or two. The pressure is just too intense.

This isn’t just a kid thing; when you’re older and at work, people bring by all kinds of cards for you to sign. You’ll experience this same kind of performance anxiety as they hover impatiently waiting for you to write something for your poor sick office mate.

So you’ll switch to your last resort:  honesty.

Bad move.

You’ll end up with something like, “Ted, I’ve been 10 times more productive without your constant whining and winging. Please take your time returning to work.”

This is a clear case of honesty NOT being the best policy. But it does get the eager Administrative Assistant off your back so you can get back to playing Tetris.

Just like most things, it all comes back to what you learned as a kid. So let me teach by example and show you a couple cards that I found in that box of old stuff I’ve been writing about lately.

Exhibits A and B are cards that I no doubt wrote with seconds to spare before my mom and dad walked into the room. Why? Because despite having a full year’s notice about Mothers’ Day and my dad’s birthday, I still waited until day 364-and-a-half to make the cards. (And just so you know: No, that has not changed; ask your mom.)

A card I wrote for my dad's birthday
Exhibit A:   A birthday card for my dad. I was 11 years old. Note the fine cardstock and thoughtfully considered nod to my dad’s not-so-badness.
A Mothers' Day card for my mom

Exhibit B: The "Roses are red" theme is a classic giveaway of last-minute card writing. This one was for my mom on Mothers' Day.

Don’t take after your dad in this department, son.

But if you DO get into a bind, let me know because I’ve got some ready-made cards you could use.