Just kiss her already

Posted on May 14, 2011


OK son, this is a tough one. Should the right genes decide to express themselves (i.e, any of the ones you got from me), you will be the guy in school that every girl likens to the little brother she always wished she had. This will be especially true of the girls you most would want to date.

 It’s good attention, just not the kind you’ll actually want. If indeed you’re like me, you won’t actually have any dates in high school—at least your dates won’t think so.  This is because while you may think you did, you’ll never actually ask anyone on a date. 

That’s not to say you won’t go places with girls. You will. You’ll be nervous the whole day prior and carefully consider how it will go. 

But it will go like this instead:

Having spent the majority of the night driving your date around while she and her boyfriend make out in the back seat, you’ll realize that you each had different ideas of what the perfect evening together meant.  She’ll later write in your yearbook that she thinks you’re “cute” and “really sweet” which roughly translates to, “You’re totally safe because, while I know you wish I were your girlfriend, you’ll never act on it so I can cart you around with me like a puppy on days when my boyfriend isn’t available or when I need a ride someplace.”

On this issue, I really have only one small suggestion: