Parenting | I've become my parents

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Advice for my son: What you need to know about middle school

May 7, 2011

Given that you have my genes, you should know that in middle school there are only two kinds of kids: those that are miserable and those that make them that way. You’ll be in with the 98% that make up the former (sorry). Your only consolation will come several years later at your class reunion where you’ll […]

Better get in touch with your sensitive side(s)

May 4, 2011

OK, so you have my genes and, as you’re learning, the package comes with a number of features, including sensitivity to, well…everything. This isn’t about allergies; we’ll deal with that some other time. I’m talking about getting to know your sensitive side. Well both of them, really. That’s right, you’ve got no non-sensitive side. No matter which way […]

Hell in a handbasket

May 2, 2011

Son, one of the particularly frightening parts of becoming our parents is when we look in the mirror and see them looking back. But there’s an even more cringe-worthy experience, at least in my opinion: it’s when we open our mouth and our parents’ voices come out. At least when you walk up to a […]

Oh, and I almost forgot…

April 25, 2011

Here’s a bit of practical advice given that you’ve got my genes: Practice remembering things now. You’re going to need it. It’s not really fair, but by the time you’re my age you’re going to have the memory of a life-long stoner. Unfortunately, since you’ve got my genes you won’t even have the satisfaction of […]

Introduction to I’ve Become My Parents

April 20, 2011

I didn’t see it coming and I don’t know when the process was finally complete. I shouldn’t be surprised. But despite a truly valiant effort, here I am looking in the mirror, and there are my parents looking back at me. I’ve become my parents. I have somewhere around 25,000 genes and not one is […]