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Things my son needs to know before he grows up to be just like me.
Browsing All posts tagged under »Irony«
Hell in a handbasket
Son, one of the particularly frightening parts of becoming our parents is when we look in the mirror and see them looking back. But there’s an even more cringe-worthy experience, at least in my opinion: it’s when we open our mouth and our parents’ voices come out. At least when you walk up to a […]
Shoe store deaths: an under-reported side effect of people afflicted with the Y chromosome
April 30, 2011
So you know today at the mall with Mom when we were waiting for her to finish trying on shoes? That noxious mixture of fresh plastic and toxic Chinese shoe factory glue burning our eyes? You said, “Dad, I don’t want to die in a shoe store.” Sorry, but you can’t change destiny. That’s the […]
Oh, and I almost forgot…
April 25, 2011
Here’s a bit of practical advice given that you’ve got my genes: Practice remembering things now. You’re going to need it. It’s not really fair, but by the time you’re my age you’re going to have the memory of a life-long stoner. Unfortunately, since you’ve got my genes you won’t even have the satisfaction of […]
Introduction to I’ve Become My Parents
April 20, 2011
I didn’t see it coming and I don’t know when the process was finally complete. I shouldn’t be surprised. But despite a truly valiant effort, here I am looking in the mirror, and there are my parents looking back at me. I’ve become my parents. I have somewhere around 25,000 genes and not one is […]
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May 2, 2011
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