The floor under the seats of the local movie theater where I grew up was really quite remarkable. Decades of non-diet soda coated the concrete with a thick layer of sweet syrup. It was like flypaper that caught only popcorn and blobs of gum. I know this because I spent a lot of time under there.
While other kids were laughing as the chocolate-loving loser was sucked up into the inner workings of Willy Wonka’s factory, I was down there trembling and scared. Most of the time that Dorothy was off to see the Wizard I was off my seat, huddled on the floor seeing nothing but week-old Jujubes and the occasional eviscerated Junior Mint (No, I’m not that old; they played that movie in the theater every few years.). And Bambi was just the first in a long string of Disney movies that had me convinced my parents were going to die a terribly violent death, leaving me orphaned and hungry.
So you see, son, I really did empathize with you when you ran out of the theater screaming as the big mean barracuda tore Nemo’s mom to shreds and killed all 6,598 of his brothers and sisters. I fully understand your unwillingness to watch Wizard of Oz, and I guess I could see how the Sherriff chasing Lightning McQueen down Route 66 at night might freak you out.
There is one thing I have to get off my chest, though. You know the guy who was murdered violently in Lion King when he was pushed into that stampeding herd of wildebeests? Yeah, well, I kind of lied: he wasn’t actually a robot that felt no pain and needed to be recycled anyway. That was actually Simba’s dad.
Sorry I lied, but I really wanted to make it through at least one movie all the way to the credits.
I've become my parents 
Jim
January 18, 2013
Now THAT’s funny. But you’re right: My oldest’s first movie in a theater was Disney’s Tarzan. Good movie, but the parents are taken out by a jungle cat in the first couple of minutes. It worked out, but for a moment my wife & I thought we were doomed to a quick exit.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
January 18, 2013
I forgot about how Tarzan got to be Tarzan. My son has always been sensitive when it comes to movies and books. He’s swarn off seeing any movie with a dog in it because he’s afraid something bad will happen to the pooch. I guess he won’t be watching Old Yeller anytime soon…
angelajardine
January 18, 2013
I usually start crying as soon as I hear the music to the Lassie films … good job my kids are made of sterner stuff!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
January 18, 2013
Born Free just about did me in. Some of my son’s friends have (at 10 yrs old) seen Hunger Games and loved it. I couldn’t even tell my son what it’s about without him getting nightmares!
Zach Rosenberg (@zjrosenberg)
January 18, 2013
Do NOT show him Bambi or Dumbo.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
January 18, 2013
Not a chance!
dadlovesmovies
January 18, 2013
Funny article – I guess kids are all different. Mine has been hitting the theater with me since he was weeks old. Now at ten, he’s pretty much down for anything.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
January 18, 2013
I think part of the problem is that we didn’t have TV for a very long time. It was mostly a money thing–not because we were hipster “my kid doesn’t watch TV so we’re better parents than you” people. His first exposure to a movie on screen (TV or theater) was at a big outdoor event and he was a bit freaked out. He was about 3 or 4 years old then. I guess the flipside to the “TV and film desensitizes kids to violence” argument is that the world is a violent place and kids need to be able to process it and come to terms with it somehow.
ihopeiwinatoaster
January 18, 2013
Dude, Barmy, uh, Mom, I can’t help but think we were separated at birth. Oz is a freak-fest, Old Yeller is beyond tragic, and how Bambi made it to the theaters is beyond me. One of my sons spent two hours today freaked out by Enchanted while the other one was pretty much bored until the Kong-like final battle.
Who knows, great post, my man.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
January 18, 2013
It is possible that we were separated at birth. There is a theory running through my family that I was repeatedly kicked in the head while in the womb. It’s been unproven to date, but this could go a long way toward clearing things up. Ask your “mother” if you were born with numerous unexplained bruises on your feet.
lovethebadguy
January 18, 2013
Wizard of Oz always freaked me out. But have you seen the sequel?! If not, go to YouTube and look up the “Wheelers”. Friggin’ terrifying… o__O
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
January 23, 2013
OK, but if I have nightmares I’m calling you at 2 AM to bring me over a glass of warm milk and sing me lullabyes.
Mommabrain
January 18, 2013
So true and funnt. love reading your postings.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
January 23, 2013
Thanks, Mommabrain! I appreciate you stopping by to say so. 🙂
Cindy Dwyer
January 19, 2013
This is why I know I’d never be able to write children’s or YA. When Hunger Games came out, I wouldn’t let my daughter near it no matter how much she begged until I read an agent’s blog about how the lead character was a strong role model. But still, who would have thought that a book where young kids are pitted against each other in a last-one-standing death battle would be such a hit?
Personally, I like to stick to Pixar – Toy Story, Bug’s Life, Monster’s Inc. How can you not love them?
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
January 23, 2013
Agreed. Although, my son wouldn’t sit through Monsters Inc even at 10 years old. He’s worked through it since.
Roly
January 19, 2013
LOL Funny. I and my computer have both been receiving care and attention and I am pleased to say I can now read and comment again. Long may it last…….
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
January 23, 2013
Welcome back, Roly! We’ve missed your smiling monkey face around here. May your computer become obsolete long before you do!
zrobf
January 26, 2013
Ah, Disney. Killing the parents of it’s central characters since day 1. Thanks Disney, thanks for keeping the idea of death strongly in the front of our minds. But also thanks for the song and dance. Those are fun.
Your fellow blogger, Zach
egghappens.wordpress.com
Arron
February 3, 2014
Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you
relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your weblog when you could be giving us something informative to read?
Frances
April 14, 2014
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Regina N. Scheyer
September 20, 2014
Yes! Finally someone writes about advice.