I used to be skinny: An encore post.

Posted on June 19, 2012

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Glamorous Fashion Magazine

 

I did this cartoon today and thought it would go well with one of my favorite posts from about a year ago. So just for fun, here’s the slightly revised post called I used to be skinny, too.

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Son, I used to be skinny.  No, really, I did.   You’re going to be skinny too, I can tell already.  Mom was, I was, and you will be.  I didn’t beat 130 lbs until well after college.

That's right, I'm wearing lederhosen...so what's your point?

Yup, that’s me at about 11 years old…

Some of it is genetic.  You’ve already demonstrated an ability to eat half a gallon of ice cream without gaining an ounce.  As you get older, girls are going to hate you for it.  By the time you’re in the college dorms, the girls will look upon you as an ungrateful and undeserving bastard, blessed with such a gift, yet unappreciative of its significance.  A gift utterly wasted on a boy.

I should point out that girls often think they have to be skinny to be worth much. The reason is complicated, but pretty much everything that girls see on TV, in movies and in magazines tells them that.  I’m not sure any of their magazines, makeup or clothing companies ever stopped to ask us guys what we actually like. If they did, they’d know that supermodels don’t attract us; they scare the hell out of us.  We’d be quite content with a girl in jeans and a tee shirt, with cheeks that are the color of real skin and actually capable of movement, and a body that doesn’t require a paperweight to keep it from blowing away.

While their own favorite magazines tell girls–the ones with the slow metabolisms–that they’re supposed to be skinny, the boys—with the turbo powered metabolisms–are told not to be skinny (or fat, for that matter).

We’re supposed to be big, but muscle-big, not fat-big.

All of that means that if you’re going to be like I was as a kid, you’ll be embarrassed by your skinniness and you’ll wear a jacket all day, every day, to cover it up.  Ironically, you’ll sweat so much that you’ll just lose more weight in the process.

I hope you won’t.  I hope you’ll be happy with the body you have. Honestly, when combined with that awesome personality and sense of humor, it makes a pretty great package.

As you know, I did eventually gain weight. And when you pointed at me recently and said, “Fatty,” part of me felt an odd sense of accomplishment.  Granted, the weight isn’t distributed exactly the way I had preferred, but hey I’m not complaining.

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