I didn’t see it coming and I don’t know when the process was finally complete. I shouldn’t be surprised. But despite a truly valiant effort, here I am looking in the mirror, and there are my parents looking back at me. I’ve become my parents.
I have somewhere around 25,000 genes and not one is an original. I don’t want to sound like I don’t appreciate what I’ve got, but all of my genes came from only two people and I know them, which is why it scares me so much. I’m a slave to the DNA delivered by that intrepid swimmer to a single cell awaiting the last half of its instructions to begin its work.
Forty-ish years later, the resulting collection of cells is desperately trying to find ways to avoid following those instructions.
I wish someone had warned me it would happen. I could have tried to stop the transformation somehow. I don’t know, maybe there’s a shrink out there that’s figured our how to cure it. Maybe they could have done a lobotomy or shock therapy to reboot my brain or something. If that wouldn’t work, I could have at least embraced it and used the knowledge to prepare for the inevitable, maybe even turn it into an advantage. After all, I had this crystal ball right in front of me for my entire life–my parents didn’t just predict my future; they demonstrated it daily.
My Future sat across the dinner table from me day after day; it changed my diapers; it showed up at school with the lunch I invariably forgot; it complained about my music, and made every effort to avoid talking to me about sex. It was all there, right in front of me to see, learn from, and maybe even avoid.
But I didn’t take advantage of this great prophet, and now I spend massive amounts of energy (and therapy) trying to figure out how the hell I got here.
Having come to the realization that there’s no escape, I’ve given in to the inevitable. What’s done is done: I can be heard declaring in public that the music kids listen to today sucks and the last generation of real music was, of course, mine. I argue that kids today have no respect for their elders and don’t know what it means to have to work for what they want. I think 10-year old girls have no business showing their butt crack in public. And I am too frequently heard saying, “I sound like my father.” OK, my dad never said that thing about 10-year old butt cracks; in his day it was probably knees that were the main offenders.
My parents are fine folks, I just don’t want to be them. The bottom line is, though, that no matter how hard we try, we will become our parents. It happened to me and I’m sorry to say, son, that it’ll happen to you. So have a good look at me now. Learn what you can. Who knows, maybe you can alter that destiny just a bit.
Think of this as my gift to you. It’s a guide of sorts, a handbook to help you understand what you’re up against. Because the only thing that scares me more than me becoming my parents would be you becoming yours.
Oh, and I’m sorry for, well, whatever it is that someday will cause you to say, “Dammit, I sound just like my father.”
Barmy
I've become my parents 
Naomi
May 21, 2011
We really are our parents. Every time anyone says you’re just like your father, I cringe, but alas, it’s true.
Judgebrix
June 3, 2011
Once we have kids, we soon start a transformation. Not like a cocoon that turns into something beautiful, but a reflection of our own parents. It’s freaky to think about, but it’s true. We endeavor not to become those old farts on the sofa, who have their routines, but we do.
This is not a bad thing. I love my parents and think they are cool – to some extent – so becoming like my dad is not all bad. Beside the beer belly that is and the white socks in the sandals. Great blog site.
I've Become My Parents
June 3, 2011
Thanks for coming by Judgebrix. You’re right that there isn’t anything inherently wrong with becoming our parents, but it does freak us out when we begin to realize the transition is nearly complete.
Joy
June 27, 2011
It’s ‘funny’ how we try so hard to escape our destiny only to find that we end up exactly where we started….those inescapable genes. You are right, somethings can be changed, some simply can’t. And as the serenity prayer goes, wisdom lies in knowing the difference. 🙂
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
Indeed, Joy. The problem is that wisdom is one of thosebthings we can’t change…hmmm…
Hajra
June 27, 2011
And we psychologists are still trying to figure out the Nature, Nurture controversy! Maybe nature wins and we do become our parents! Ironic actually; we keep promising that we, the tomorrow will be different and somehow we do become so much like them! History does repeat itself!
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
Yes it does, Hajra. But that makes us a kind of crystal ball for our kids. That must be useful one way or another…?
Janine Ripper
June 28, 2011
Ah so true. Since turning 30 I realise more and more every day how much like my mother I am becoming. At least now we have peace and I realise that really it’s not bad at all : )
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
What a great resolution of the conflict! Maybe when I get over being so darn freaked out I’ll learn to be at peace with it, too.
Roy A. Ackerman, PhD, EA
June 28, 2011
Some of us have become the opposite of our parents- using them as the example of what NOT to do – especially when it comes to child-rearing!
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
Ah yes. So if our folks became the opposite of their parents, and we became the opposite of our parents, does that in some twisted way, make us like our grandparents?
Hurts my brain…
Thanks for commenting, Roy!
penniej2
June 28, 2011
I love your amusing take on the inevitability of becoming like our parents. Certainly, you make a good argument for it as, genetically speaking, we may become exactly that, and often, we are blind to the signs that we are following in their paths.
However, I hope to God that I haven’t become my parents! I mean, I can’t escape certain inescapable facts, and I appreciate having some of their better traits – my mother’s determination, and my father’s kindness, understanding, and great mind (at least in part). But I can do without my mother’s craziness, or her endless complaints, and my father’s procrastination and lackadaisical attitude in the face of defeat.
BTW, I hate butt cracks as much as my father disliked knees.
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
My hope is that by recognizing the tendency early enough my son can resist the power.
And I’m glad you’re not a fan of butt cracks. I mean, really, kids these days. You know when I was a kid we never– Oops, sorry…
MuMuGB
June 28, 2011
Well, I have become older and fatter but I do hope that I have not and will not become like my parents…Fingers crossed. Even if, genetically speaking, you are bound to be right, if there is a God He mustn’t make me become them!
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
I’m sure He’ll have some compassion. No guarantees, though, that you won’t become that scary Great Aunt we all have…sorry!
charlie nitric
June 28, 2011
I’ve avoided this issue since I was a very young kid. I didn’t want to be my father and well….love my mom too but not very keen on wearing a skirt so I didn’t want to be her either. What I want and what I get are two different pitches altogher. It happens to the best of us ;).
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
Well, I hope for your sake that what you got were all the aspects you liked about them both.
Thanks for commenting, Charlie!
Amanda
June 29, 2011
I can totally relate. I don’t have kids and I’m only about a quarter of a century young but I can already be heard complaining about kids these days, and how the music was so much better back then and…yeah…I was even told by my father that I’m starting to sound like him. And I’m a GIRL! I already pity my poor future children 🙂
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
The good news, Amanda, is that you may have caught it early enough to avoid permanent damage. But seek professional psychiatric help soon!
You’ll be OK.
(Adriene) Sweepy Jean
June 29, 2011
You may have been lame back then (as I was at that age), but not now. If you think you’re lame, then you really aren’t lame. (Catch 25?) Funny post, loved it!
(Adriene) Sweepy Jean
June 29, 2011
Darn, that last comment was meant for another post! For this one, I want to say that I love the premise of this blog. Such a great idea and one that will provide plenty of material, I’m sure! 🙂
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
Thanks Sweepy. That means a lot coming from you!
Samantha Bangayan
June 29, 2011
Haha! How weird to think that all of what I biologically am is from two people. Personally, I’m proud to become my parents, but I’m an absolute fan of your blog! =)
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
It’s nice to hear that you are proud to become your parents. I suspect that they’ll be proud to see you follow in their footsteps. Even if you are a fan of the blog. 😉
Thanks so much, Samantha!
Forbidden Fruit
June 30, 2011
You’ve got a new subscriber! 🙂
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
Woohoo! Happy dance in progress!
Thanks!
smassey103110
July 1, 2011
I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. You have a great sense of humor! 🙂 I’m right with you on the music today and butt cracks. I’d also add guys running around with their pants at their knees and butts hanging out. I hope they look back one day and realize how goofey they look. Oh well…
I've Become My Parents
July 8, 2011
Hopefully, their folks have taken a lot of pictures for use later on!
Thanks for reading and for your comments!
Sarcasm Goddess
November 3, 2011
Ok, we’ve been twitter friends for awhile but I’m so glad I finally dragged my ass over here. Sorry, sometimes things take me longer than I should.
I don’t have kids, but I know I’m going to enjoy this blog.
I've Become My Parents
November 3, 2011
I’m glad you came by Ms. Goddess! I hope you’ll be back again soon!
Adam Green
November 4, 2011
The discovery of this blog sounds very interesting and intriguing !
asoulwalker
November 5, 2011
So funny… and true. All that wasted time… sigh…
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Live and learn, eh?
dietingfashions
November 5, 2011
I just had this discussion with my landscaper this morning. I wished I had listened to my parents more often.
I've Become My Parents
November 5, 2011
Live and learn, eh? Thanks for commenting!
53weeks
November 6, 2011
Thanks, you just made me chuckle just before monday morning!
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
Glad I did. Thanks for reading!
goddessofglitter
November 6, 2011
I’m right there with you on this one.I think I am going to enjoy (and relate to) your blog
I've Become My Parents
November 7, 2011
I’ll look forward to your visits! Thanks for coming by.
hmstrait
December 30, 2011
Versatile blogger award
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
December 30, 2011
Hey thanks! It’s Mighty nice of you 🙂
pearlessence
February 24, 2012
I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Thanks for always keeping me entertained – your stories always make me reminiscent.
http://pearlessence.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/versatile-blogger-award-2012-02/
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
February 26, 2012
Thanks for that! I’m glad you enjoy reading IBMP and appreciate the nomination 🙂
lanchi92
March 15, 2012
Your blog caught my eye because I find it very amusing and heart warming to know a father is doing a blog dedicated to a son. I am probably way to young to understand most of the things your posting here but I like reading about parents and what adults have to say now about, I guess, my generation because I won’t lie, my generation is going downhill.
Hope to read more!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
March 18, 2012
Thanks! I really like when younger folks read and comment and I’m glad you came by. I hope you’ll be tossing your perspective into the mix more!
ObiWanCanubi
April 13, 2012
Greetings! Just letting you know that I’ve nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger Award because I have enjoyed reading your blog and the entertainment it has provided.
If you wish to accept you must follow a few simple rules, thank the blogger who has nominated you, tell your readers about you and pass on the honor to some of your favorite bloggers.
The award won’t make you rich or famous, in fact it means nothing more than someone appreciates your writing, but it is the thought that counts.
ObiWanCanubi
http://notdadoftheyear.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/its-awards-night-or-i-just-got-rick-rolled-on-wordpress/
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
April 15, 2012
Hey thanks Mr. Canubi! As you said in your, er… acceptance speech, what makes my day is just knowing that people are reading and that you enjoy it enough to take some time out and hand the award this way.
I don’t usually do these award things because I keep a growing list of blogs that I think deserve recognition every day on my Blog and Twitter Roll page and I like to just refer people there. That, however, in no way diminishes how appreciative I am that you acknowledged IBMP in that way.
Thanks so much for reading!
Barmy
IoanaPsi
September 11, 2012
Dear Barmy,
because I enjoy your blog and your humor so much (and because I am totally my mother’s daughter), I nominated you for One lovely blog award- http://terrapeuticadesign.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/one-lovely-blog-award/ (my blog is in Romanian, but I hope my intention overcomes the language barrier).
and even if you are not in the award-fanaticism thing, I still wanted you to know you are appreciated :).
H-dawg
April 4, 2013
You do realize that your argument could be totally accounted for by nurture as well ;-O [Adoptive parent here]. Regardless, point made! Now GET OUTSIDE KID!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
April 4, 2013
Ha! Yes. Yes, it could 😉
Fat Bottom Girl
April 26, 2013
Scary. . .my mother stares out of the mirror at me, and I see her in that flappy skin on the underside of my bicep.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
April 26, 2013
Yeah, that’s scary. Although, if you were Jesus, you’d be seeing the Virgin Mary in that flappy skin and could totally sell it on eBay.
Fat Bottom Girl
April 26, 2013
I wish!! I have some credit card debt I need to pay off. Keep hoping a morning waffle will yield a pic with stigmata! hahaha
Writer Unblocked
July 16, 2013
I would love to follow you…but am not sure my ever-so-fragile ego is ready for the regular albeit comical reminder that I AM my parents.
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
July 16, 2013
Yeah, I probably wouldn’t follow me either for the same reason.
Escaping Elegance
July 19, 2013
I’ve come to terms with becoming my parents… I’m just trying to be selective about which parts I take from which parent. Do you think there’s any hope in hell of controlling that?
ramblingjess
July 27, 2013
Hello! I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! Which means I enjoy your posts and think everyone should read your awesome stuff! If you want to pay it forward to blogs you admire, you can check out the details on my post: http://importantramblings.wordpress.com/2013/07/27/versatile-blogger-award/
libertydee
August 7, 2013
Hello! I mentioned you in my blog. http://bit.ly/11NM51Z
headoverears
August 13, 2013
hey i nominated you for the Liebster award http://headoverears.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/liebster-award/
cordeliasmom2012
October 21, 2013
I just found your blog, and I’m glad I did! At 61, I have pretty much become my mother, and I only hope my 3 girls don’t become me. Keep that sense of humor – it’s the only thing that gets a parent through those teenage years.
Growth Hunter
November 12, 2013
I want to let you know that I have nominated you for the Dragon’s Loyalty Award.
http://growthhunters.net/2013/11/12/awards-the-dragons-loyalty-award/
Carrie Leigh
November 23, 2013
Congratulations! You have been nominated for The Sunshine Blog Award.
http://carrieleigh10.wordpress.com/2013/11/23/the-sunshine-blog-award/
whichwaynow101
March 7, 2014
I never admit to sounding like my mother but constantly tell my brothers they sound like Dad. It’s a good thing. Why do they get annoyed with me?
Laughter and Kindness
April 30, 2014
Just stumbled upon your blog and appreciated this description of who you are. I just started blogging and I can completely identify with this fear. I chose not to be completely anonymous and do wonder if it is the right thing. I will say though, as you and your son continue to consider anonymity I hope you consider how it impacts you. As a nonfiction writer myself I spent years not writing because I worried how my writing would impact people I cared about. Over the past year I realized that out of fear for the impact of others I wasn’t giving myself any space to succeed or grow. So now i’m trying to consciously inch into honesty everywhere even knowing there may be some flack for it. Not telling you to change your ways-just identifying. Best of luck on your parenting, following through and writing journey.
Becky
September 26, 2014
I’ve nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award!
http://soundhippy.wordpress.com/2014/09/26/why-thats-a-lovely-blog-youve-got-there-more-vulfpeck/
followechoes
November 14, 2014
Ah yes I have definitely turned into mine. When I am having words with my girls I have flashbacks to my parents saying exactly the same thing to me. It’s like Deja Vu. What makes it all that less fun is that both my girls are nearly as tall as me (well I am a short arse)…
thesignorina
December 18, 2014
I used to never want to think about becoming my mother. But actually, she is the happiest, most inspiring woman I know.
I write a news, views blog for twenty-somethings/anyone.
Latest – are you the most Christmas? (please take with a pinch of salt! http://thesignorina.com/2014/12/18/how-to-be-the-most-christmas/)
WIll be coming back here, thank you!
desperateramblings
March 21, 2015
Great about page. Cant wait to read more as this is very amusing……and true!
Barmy Rootstock (IBMP)
March 22, 2015
Thanks! See you around here again, then.
desperateramblings
March 23, 2015
No problem and yes I will be.