Things you should know | I've become my parents

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I don’t care what Billy said, that’s not where babies come from

April 1, 2012

Me: Why don’t you ever do somersaults anymore, son? You: I don’t want to die. Um, er…huh? You can die from doing too many somersaults. What makes you think that? Billy told me. Billy. And you believe him. This is the kid who told you he’s doing secret agent training after school, right? Yup. And that his Dad’s […]

I’m not getting old, and I’ll prove it by doing something really stupid

March 10, 2012

This one falls under the category Things You Can Expect From Your Parents. Son, as you move along through puberty, your actions are controlled less and less by reason. Your brain is really busy trying to figure out what to do with all those weird new chemicals drowning your neurons. As a result, it needs […]

One of my faves from the archives–The first kiss that wasn’t

February 14, 2012

Well, it’s Valentine’s Day so I thought I’d pull out one of my favorites from back in the early days of IBMP. It was originally titled “No really, just kiss her.” It’s been revised and now is a chapter in the I’ve Become My Parents book. The book’s almost ready to query, but in the […]

Girl problems: the ten year-old version

February 6, 2012

Hey Dad, I think Danielle likes me! What makes you think so? Elana asked her. Wow. So now what? Tomorrow Elana is going to tell her I like her. And what are you going to do? I’m going to stand behind a tree and she’s going to bring Danielle near the tree. If she likes […]

Getting in touch with your sensitive side(s)

January 20, 2012

This post was originally published in the spring of last year. It was one of my very first posts. I’ve reworked it a bit for the I’ve Become My Parents book. Enjoy. Getting in touch with your sensitive side(s) OK, so you have my genes and, as you’re learning, the package comes with a number […]

It’s not my fault that you take no responsibility

January 15, 2012

OK son, it’s time to take some responsibility for your actions. You say it so often it’s become a single word: itsnotmyfault. Well guess what: that’s actually five words. Let me break it down for you: it n. The thing I’m pissed about. is v. Short for “is the opposite of what you’re telling me.” not adv. […]