Browsing All Posts filed under »I’ve become my parents«

I’m older, not elder

April 12, 2015


I gave a talk this week to a senior’s society. They were very nice people. Until someone pointed out that I’m only five years away from qualifying to join. Bastard. I’m not ready to be a senior citizen; my parents are senior citizens. Statistically speaking, it’s likely that I’ve already lived over half of my […]

I’m not dead yet

June 24, 2014


  OK, so it’s been a little while since I last posted. I know what you’re thinking but I’m not dead. If I were, I’d have all the time in the world to write posts (in between breaking rocks and applying burn cream—don’t know why, but I’ve always assumed I’d be heading south when I […]

An important message from the makers of I’ve Become My Parents

November 11, 2013


Well hello valued IBMP readers. The fine folks in IBMP’s Quality Assurance Division have been working tirelessly as part of our continuous effort to improve your reading experience. Unfortunately, they all suck and will be fired just before the holidays when it has the greatest impact. So in the absence of a better reading experience, the […]

Don’t blame me; puberty wasn’t my idea

October 9, 2013


When I was in 7th-grade, it seemed like there were only two kinds of kids: those that were miserable, and those that made them that way. Guess which one I was. Thirty-five years later, I get to re-live 7th-grade again through your eyes, son, and I realize I was wrong: you’re all miserable.  And why […]

I think I’m in love

September 10, 2013


Hey, son, I think I’m in love with your friend. No, not like that. Well, kind of like that. Granted, she’s 12 and I’m just a wee bit older, but it’s not that kind of love so don’t give me that look you gave Uncle Dave when he said he wanted to be a Mall […]

What to Expect When You’re Expecting to be a Teenager

April 30, 2013


What we have: What I wish we had: Dad, I don’t want to be thirteen. Why not? I don’t want to be a teenager. Really? I thought that’s what tweens looked forward to. I’m scared. Oh. Well, why are you scared? Cause teenagers have bad judgment and do bad things. I don’t want to be […]


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