Remember, if you’re still trying to make sense of all this twitterishness, you can pop over here for a quick primer on how to read a tweet.
Hope you like today’s batch!
On random thoughts
Why is it so important that the ride come to both a full and complete stop? I would have been content with either, really.
If I don’t have a Dickens inside me, does that mean I can’t get scared?
Would somebody tell my son that yes, all the other kids DO give their dads nightly foot massages?
I’m not failing; I’m lowering the bar such that others may experience the joy of reaching it.
OK, off to my annual visit to the gym during which I swear that this time I’ll do it more often.
Finally a job that meets my high expectations! http://yfrog.com/nt3glouj
I’m practicing the moonwalk in anticipation of Newt’s second term. I hope they have good DJs in space.
Dr says to cut back on caffeine, alcohol, spicy foods, big meals, chocolate and stress. Only 1 of those I can control. So I’ll quit work.
My son’s response to my advice on girls: “How do you know this stuff–you never had a girlfriend until you were like 40 or something.”
If Prometheus hadn’t angered Zeus, women wouldn’t have been created and daddy bloggers would rule the Internet. #littleknownfact
My dog has such bad gas even HE can’t spend much time with his head down there.
Google is to information as the microwave is to food: you can have it quickly but it may be a bit inconsistent and tasteless.
My dog. Hands-down. RT @DKLblog: Parents with more than one child: Do you have a favorite? Be honest.
I don’t shy away from controversy. I’ll give you my opinion regardless of how many nasty letters I throw away unopened as a result.
Penguin jokes are demeaning to tuxedo makers and should be stopped.
It’s not that I’m one of THOSE parents, but I helped my son rig his Kub Kar with a nitro engine.
My 10yo: “Dad, be a dear and get me some cheese.” Um, no.
I think I’ve got a Macarena/Chicken Dance mashup going on in my head…may just implode.
My son, angry: “Darn it, I CAN’T run away.” Me: “Why not?” Him: The babysitter’s coming tonight and I don’t want him to not get paid.’
As a Jew, I’m honored that the one word we’ve contributed to the Twitter lexicon is “kvetch.”
If they can make self-cleaning ovens why can’t they make self-cleaning diapers? Where are all our geniuses?
I don’t understand how curling can be an Olympic sport but drinking can’t.
When did the Discovery Channel become the All-Stupid-People-All-The-Time Channel?
If someone gives you a hard time breastfeeding in public, pull out a giant penis-shaped bottle and start using that.
On Groundhog Day
Groundhogs only work one day a year. How sweet is that?
My dog woke up and saw his shadow yesterday. He’s going to lick his balls for another 6 weeks.
I’m taking donations for the Society for Blind Groundhogs. Poor guys can’t get honest work.
Saw my shadow this morning. Going back to bed. Wake me in 6 weeks.
On search terms used to find this blog
Someone found IBMP searching “i like to help my parents about the house,” followed by some Russian word that I assume means “I’m full of crap”
Person who found my blog searching “handsome gene”: Sorry, but mine’s non-transferable. Besides, I think it’s kind of broken…
Person who found my blog searching “kids love you unconditionally”: Let me guess, yours is under 8yo…give it some time.